I ’ m just a cop , an Investigator . Not a manager . Not an administrator . Just a cop . I get it . Employee Assistance Programs ( EAP ) can be limited and there is a concern whether it will remain confidential , as confidentiality is essential to protecting line-level employees from real or preceived career consequences for seeking this support . If I need help , how do I get it ? Will I lose my job ? What will my friends , family , coworkers and chain of command think if they find out ? I get it .
In April 2018 , I received that life altering call that changed my life forever . I was at work when I received a call from my 19-year-old nephew , the son of my only brother . He told me they found my older brother , a retired Army Lieutenant Colonel and West Point Graduate , dead of an apparent suicide . My world changed in an instant . My older brother was my biggest hero . I spent decades chasing his success , which exacerbated the heartbreak that day .
I found myself instantly thrust into the role of family leader and had to manage my own grief , along with the grief of my immediate family . Since we had lost my Dad five years prior to cancer , the loss of my brother compounded the stress , grief and turmoil for my entire family . The family of five I grew up with was now a family of three ; Mom , sister and me . I have my wife and kids ; my sister had her husband and my brother was survived by his wife and four kids . My immediate concern was the welfare of this group , individually and collectively .
Within two weeks , as a family , we buried my brother in New York and I quickly realized that we needed help . I was grieving along with my family but did not have the tools to support everyone through this challenge . I had to stay healthy to be there for everyone .
As a former SWAT crisis negotiator , crisis intervention team trainer , with a half-decade of detective / investigator experience and more than 10 years patrol experience , I felt like a fraud . I had watched men die by suicide and helped prevent countless others from ending their lives . I knew the
signs ( I thought ). How did I miss the warning signs with my own brother ? As I looked back , I could see the warning signs were there . In my opinion , he hid it from me . There was little I could do from 3,000 miles away . I now had to focus on the future of our family .
Like I said , I am just a cop . Regardless of rank , one major life altering event can change you forever . Add in the stresses of the job , the major trauma you have witnessed , the horrors you have seen , and it may be a perfect recipe for something very hard to admit … I needed help for myself and my family to manage our grief .
According to Blue HELP , there have been 578 law enforcement officer known suicides from January 1 , 2016 through June 31 , 2019 . 2 In my career , I have known at least two officers who either attempted suicide or died by suicide . Many of you know of officers who died by their own hand . I suspect that many of you have wondered how you missed it , too .
In the aftermath , I realized in order to help my family through this , I needed to help myself first . “ Exposure to trauma is an occupational hazard for first responders and medical professionals , and as such , it is necessary to practice self-care and know the signs that trauma is taking a toll .” 3 I recognized that this may be time to seek professional help . My cup was full . I quickly learned , when the cup is full , a professional counselor can help you empty it enough so you can be there to help others .
My first step in this process was to look up online support services for survivors of veteran loss . I also reached out to a trusted friend who was aware of resources available . I found many non-profit organizations . Since I am also a military veteran , I was able to speak the language and navigate this complex system . As a result , I quickly found resources for all of my immediate family who wanted to talk to a professional counselor .
Regardless of whether you are a military veteran , first responder , or both , any of these agencies will likely connect you with viable resources . Your responsibility is to
WINTER 2019 | California Police Chief 31