But many of us were in the process of growing families and raising kids . So little training and lots of sleepless nights . My third child was born a week before the 947 race in 2010 and my bandwidth as one of the Cow guys was narrowing . By 2012 , I was on fumes . Family , work , training and The Cows were becoming hectic .
So I decided as all good semi cult leaders do , go out with a bang . Why not blow this whole thing to bits ? Do something so ridiculous that they ’ ll never want you back again . If we love things , we should set them free .
So I had an idea . I phoned the owner of the dance studio where my nieces do modern dancing and asked to meet with the suit designers . I extracted a series of photographs of Elvis Presley in his 1970 ’ s Conchos Suit and Fringe Suit . To these had been added snippets of cow collars , flame arm warmers and red tassles . I explained that the Apocalypse Cows had instructions to start growing sideburns .
Two months later , two days before the race , we revealed the new Elvis suits to the Apocalypse Cows . I had on my running shoes in case the mob turned on me . But to my surprise there was no mutiny .
The Apocalypse Cows beat Chris Froome in the 947 that year wearing golden sunglasses and dressed as Elvis Presley . There was power in the suit .
After the race I noticed something interesting . A pretty girl was speaking to me and a semi-professional cyclist in the recovery tent after the race . The semi-pro had done an insanely fast 2h20 . Our team a relatively unimpressive 2h58 for our first loop , before we did a second loop to help the main herd .
She said to the semi-pro , ” Wow , 2h20 is fast !”
Turning her back to him - as though he never existed - she focussed her attention on my white Elvis suit with its red flames . Gently caressing the velvety cow material around my neck she said :
“ So you did a sub 3 like this guy , but dressed like that ! Now that must have been very hard .”
We made the front page of a local newspaper the next day . It was apparent the Apocalypse Cows had succeeded in their Cow Elvis assignment . The Cow Committee didn ’ t fire us . They said we should keep on doing whatever we were doing .
And so we did .
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