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expectations a bit. Also: give it time. It
takes a while to bond with people. Don’t
be discouraged by that. Once you do start
trying out things, don’t forget that people
love talking about themselves, so ask them
plenty about their life – and be genuinely
interested in the answers. Don’t be afraid
to strike up conversation.
While it’s not the exact same thing, online
communities can also be a great place to
meet people who like the same things as
you, without the initial pressure of having
to show up and do face-to-face straight
away. The line between online and real life
is increasingly blurred, so don’t be afraid
to take the leap into joining into
conversations on social media,
commenting, liking on Insta, for example.
What do you have to lose? You may have more friends than you realise,
but it doesn’t matter if you don’t see it like
that. Look within yourself to see if there is
anything else going on behind the surface
which is stopping you from pursuing
friendships. What I’m saying is that going to
a ‘to do list’ lesson to make friends may be
putting the cart before the horse. Things like:
shyness, consuming long-term relationships,
career commitment, location, a feeling of
inadequacy or a difficulty with intimacy
could also be what is holding you back. I
cannot pin point what the exact issue might
be (through this medium), but it’s worth
doing some soul-searching to see what might
be holding you back and then tackling that
part first.
2)Take stock – and work on it
Practical considerations aside, it might be time
to ask yourself some (potentially quite
difficult) questions. Here’s the first: why do
you think it is that you’ve come to this stage in
life without any friends?
Look, it may not be through any particular
action (or lack thereof) on your part. We’re
not all lucky enough to meet people we get
along well with in school or work. We may
drift easily from others or find it hard to take
it to the next stage. That’s understandable.
Plenty of people feel like this, I promise you
that.
It may seem like everyone else has ‘a tribe’
that you lack – but that isn’t the case at all.
These are just the most highly ‘visible’ types
of friend groups. In reality, we all engage and
make connections with people in various
diverse ways and are more likely to end up
with a patchwork of friendships from
different pockets of our life with different
levels of intimacy. Plus, as we age our circles
change too. (Plus, you just made a connection with
me, so now it’s on to the next one! <3)
“Of all the liars in the world,
sometimes the worst are our own
fears.”
Q. How do you deal with the anxiety
of social media? I find I’m constantly
worrying about how people will
interpret a tweet or what people might
think of an Instagram post. I find
myself wanting to share things but
then my anxiety of how many likes it
will get or how people will view me
takes over. It is because of this that
leads me to not post as much as I’d
like to.
A. Like pretty much everything in life, social
media is ‘Trumpery’ (YES THAT IS A
WORD) for a variety of reasons. There’s not
only worrying about how you’re being
perceived, which is what concerns you, but
there’s also the constant stream of
information about other people’s lives that
we have to process, one way or another.
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