CONNECTIONS
abstained from the s word because I didn’ t want to let him off the hook. While that mindset is understandable, it isn’ t justification for refusing to say sorry. At the end of the day, whether or not he was sorry, I was. Remorse or guilt is independent— you either feel it or you don’ t. I did, so I needed to say sorry.
“ To let go and forgive is a gift in which we are all capable.”
The good news is“ sorry” isn’ t said without value. People say words carry weight; well, it’ s true. A study by five researchers published in Social Psychological and Personality Science found that“ forgiveness affects how victims perceive and interact with the physical environment in domains unrelated to the conflict itself.” In other words, unforgiveness and holding a grudge can physically and mentally burden a person, even after the conflict has ended. The researchers’ first experiment focused on mental perception effects of forgiveness. Forty-six college students were separated into three groups; one group wrote about a time they forgave, one group wrote about a time they did not forgive, and the third group wrote about a random social interaction.
After writing, each individual was asked to visit a nearby hill and guess how steep the incline was. The third group acted as a control group to ensure that any difference in perception or physicality could accurately be attributed to the“ unburdening effect of forgiveness.” The researchers hypothesized that those who wrote about unforgiveness would estimate higher inclines— basically, a negative state of mind would translate to a more pessimistic view of what’ s ahead. There was no significant difference in incline perception between groups two and three, but the group that wrote about forgiveness