Here’s the process in a nutshell:
Pseudo-community-People generally begin in this stage. It is a stage of pretense. People pretend to already be a community. They use the best of manners to be socially correct as they speak. They avoid any differences or being very personal or anything controversial.
Chaos- Participants learn they are different and start to explore the differences. In chaos people let go of their manners and blurt out their prejudices, opinions and judgments. There may be transference or projection toward others but often this about a person or situation outside the group. In chaos people often try to fix, heal, and convert each other and this only adds to the chaos. The only way out of chaos and into community is through emptiness.
Emptiness-This is the stage of letting go of what is not needed to make room for something new. Emptiness can be a time when people tell personal stories that are current in their lives. This sometimes is with a great deal of sadness and perhaps tears. As people unravele their authentic stories their affect can change from a high anxiety or depressed state to euphoric as they tell their story. As people empty, the group atmosphere starts to feel very different. The pace slows, people speak softer words, they listen intently with their whole bodies, and compassion fills them.
Community-Community is a state of being that is hard to describe. People feel peaceful, at ease with one another, accepting of differences, and perhaps celebrate with joy. It is a feeling of wholeness, of oneness, of knowing,
acceptance for just who you are faults and all. Differences are appreciated, even honored. People seem to know it is just enough to be human and to experience a true feeling of what love may mean.
I said this piece was originally about communication. I was looking for ways to better communicate in order to avoid the chaos of miscommunication. I now realize that chaos is a necessary part of building community whether it be with ten people or one. Just look how quickly people come together and help and show care for one another after the chaos of such tragedies like 9-11, the Boston Marathon, or natural disasters. Chaos can bring us together as long as we are allowed to empty our burdens and anxieties. I have learned that it is important not to run away from chaos, but ride it out in order to get to the next step and finally to community.
"There is more than a verbal tie between the words common, community, and communication.... Try the experiment of communicating, with fullness and accuracy, some experience to another, especially if it be somewhat complicated, and you will find your own attitude toward your experience changing."
-- John Dewey