HELPING YOUNG PEOPLE LEARN THEIR WORTH
Continued from page 7
When a student grapples with uncertainty, they benefit from having an adult they can turn to without fear of being shamed. Unconditional positive regard conveys: You do not have to be perfect to deserve my listening and support.
This stance normalizes struggle as part of the human experience— not indicative of failure, but instead a time to summon courage and push through the effortful circumstances. For students stuck in perfectionism, the realization provides both relief and an alternative to the frantic loop of punitive self-talk. If we bear witness to the potential for dignity when a young person is fumbling, a window of hope opens. Hope staves off defeatism and cynicism. It fosters both cognitive and emotional agility, so an adolescent can think more creatively in problem solving. We need its flicker to illuminate the path ahead and discern what else might be possible.
The deep-listening encounter also provides essential practice in metabolizing anxiety. An adult who holds steady during a challenging conversation models selfregulation, and accompanies an adolescent in riding out a wave of big, unruly feelings. When we do not rush to advise, intervene, or foreclose an unsettling experience( behavior commonly driven by the adult’ s own anxiety), the student discovers that we actually believe in their ability to withstand discomfort at an age-appropriate level. In the process, anxiety begins to loosen its hold. This act of distress tolerance is a first brush with dignity.
Once anxiety softens, space in the mind becomes available for reflection and stillness, fertile ground for dignity to deepen. In the liberty of that space, the student learns to consult their own values compass when faced with a dilemma. Foraging for the right words and trying out their ideas with someone who listens deeply, clarity begins to take shape from what previously felt like chaos.
Do not fear silence in a deep-listening conversation. Cell phone culture has diminished our capacity to honor it. The faux-urgency of endless“ notifications” continually ejects us from real opportunities to
“ Hope staves off defeatism and cynicism. It fosters both cognitive and emotional agility, so an adolescent can think more creatively in problem solving. We need its flicker to illuminate the path ahead and discern what else might be possible.”
Page 8 Winter 2025 CSEE Connections