STABILIZING CONFLICT WITH DIGNITY
The Stakes of Conflict
Years later, it struck me that conflict is a lot like Jenga. Differences inevitably surface— because we’ re a varied lot with distinct histories, feelings, perspectives, values, and needs. We resolve many of those differences without naming them as“ conflict.” The ones that earn that label are the sharper ones— the moments that demand energy to navigate. When differences harden and require effort to manage, we experience them as conflict.
We can find ourselves having the same intense emotional and physiological reactions I had during Jenga. That’ s human: tension arises when we’ re trying to honor everyone in a way that leaves people okay with the outcome— wanting to understand and be understood, to get our needs met while helping meet theirs— and it’ s not obvious how to do both. When the path to resolution isn’ t quick or satisfying, strong feelings surge.
Being in conflict is like stumbling into a Jenga game where blocks are already missing and everything feels a bit shaky. What truly destabilizes the structure is yanking out the pillar or anchor blocks— the ones the whole thing rests on. These aren’ t about comfort; they’ re about safety. We can live without pleasantries. We can’ t live without baseline dignity. As Donna Hicks argues, dignity is the glue of relationships— our need to be seen, heard, and valued. When a conflict begins because someone doesn’ t feel seen, heard,
“ Being in conflict is like stumbling into a Jenga game where blocks are already missing and everything feels a bit shaky. What truly destabilizes the structure is yanking out the pillar or anchor blocks— the ones the whole thing rests on.
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or valued— or when, in trying to resolve it, we violate one another’ s dignity— the whole structure is likely to come undone.
Too often we treat conflict as a choice between superficial consensus and total annihilation. Both miss the mark. The aim isn’ t agreement; it’ s understanding. As Dylan Marron reminds us, empathy is not endorsement. I don’ t have to adopt your view to grasp how you came to it. We should be able to disagree— strongly— while upholding our shared humanity. That means speaking our truths without sanding off the edges just to be palatable and doing so within the bounds of basic decency and care. When I silence myself to keep the peace, I slip into subordination and feed a culture of quiet. Eventually, swallowing my voice erodes my mental
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CSEE Connections Winter 2025 Page 3