S TA R TI N G W I TH A PAU S E
• Check your understanding of what is ob-
servably true versus what you are assum-
ing. In other words, drop what you think
you know and get curious. Scripts don’t
work if we are seeing the student through
a fog of our own biases and assumptions.
• Notice your intention. What outcome
are you seeking? i.e. Are you looking for
solutions or just wanting to be right? 4
every day.” Or, “Getting into the swing
of school can be hard,” or “You are usu-
ally on time to class.” Even if you aren’t
right, students respond positively to
your attempts to empathize.
I = Inquire – Ask restorative questions, and
variations to them, in order to:
A = Acknowledge – Validate their experi-
ence as much as possible and acknowledge
what factors and issues might be influenc-
ing the situation. Begin interaction with:
•
Acknowledging them personally and
what you notice, what is observable
and true. “Hey John, I am noticing...”
“Good morning kids, it seems...” “Good
to see you Mary, I see that...” (Remem-
ber, a student’s behavior can be unac-
ceptable AND you can still communi-
cate with care and respect.)
• Acknowledge your own feelings, if ap-
propriate, using affective statements.
“I’m not feeling great about seeing you in
the hall after class has started.” Or, “It feels
hard to give instructions when there are
several conversations going on.”
• Acknowledge compassionately what
you imagine or know to be true. “It’s
gotta be hard to get to class on time
• learn more about the root cause of the
behavior,
• check your understanding of what
they’ve said,
• intentionally dismantle your assump-
tions and biases,
• explore harm or impact.
“
Check your understand-
ing of what is observably
true versus what you
are assuming. In other
words, drop what you
think you know and
get curious.
”
4. Barron, M.J. and Grimm, J.W. (2006). The Integrative and Compensatory Model of Change. South Burlington, VT: Center-
point.
Continues on page 32
CSEE Connections
Winter 2019
Page 7