S TAR T ING WITH A PAUSE
Continued from page 3
deeply conditioned and informed by our
implicit biases, belief systems, unconscious
“knee-jerk” reactions, conscious judgments
and prejudice, and capacity or lack thereof
to be focused and fully present. In addition,
our capacity to think clearly and respond in-
stead of react is directly related to our abil-
ity to stay grounded and regulated in the
midst of conflict and stress. We can learn a
script, the right words to say, but until we
bring to light that which undermines our
ability to be nonjudgmentally present, they
are just words.
Bringing mindful awareness to the habits
and beliefs that inform our communica-
tion is essential to our work as restorative
teachers—as humans. Some questions for
self-reflection around your communication
style with challenging students:
1. Do you believe you need to have
the answers and position yourself as
the authority?
2. Do you think you know the student’s
situation or experience?
3. Do you ask questions first or do you
run with your assumptions?
4. Do you stop to consider, or inquire
into, what role you or your lesson
plan might have in the disruption?
5. Are you able to see the student’s be-
havior as simply a disruptive attempt
at getting their needs met?
Page 4 Winter 2019
6. Do you have a strong desire to work
with the student towards a solution
rather than a desire to punish him,
her, or them? Or make an example of
her, him, or them?
7. Do you consider disruptive behavior
a lack of skill or a lack of will?
The Importance of Creating Connection
and Accountability
As I look back on my life as a young teacher I
can easily recall other situations like the one
with John. My go-to response for years was
to avoid conflict by deflecting with humor
or ignoring and redirecting attention with
my particular brand of goofy charisma. With
these techniques I was well liked and rarely,
if ever, had conflict with students. Sounds
pretty great right? Not really. While I could
talk any student down from being escalated
and made allies out of the toughest kids,
these same kids continued to cause havoc
outside of my class. So while it served me to
avoid conflict it did not necessarily serve my
kids, colleagues, or the school. They were not
held accountable, and not holding students
accountable, I have learned, is a powerful
way of saying, “What you do doesn’t matter.”
Sadly, I knew even less about how to serve
the disengaged students who did the bare
minimum to get by. I used my formidable
enthusiasm to cajole them into learning,
but often they slid back down into apathy,
and because they didn’t cause “trouble” I of-
ten left them there because I didn’t know
what else to do.
CSEE Connections