S TA R TI N G W I TH A PAU S E
“
What is Restorative Communication?
If you Googled “restorative communica-
tion (RC)” right now you would not find one
agreed upon definition. But if you read a
dozen of the related articles or books you
would find a common focus on the power
of: creating a compassionate, relational
space for all voices to be heard, exploring
the unmet needs at the core of the conflict,
and using an inquiry-based protocol for re-
pairing the harm and moving forward. Spe-
cifically, current restorative approach litera-
ture references “affective statements”—the
practice of taking responsibility for one’s
own feelings instead of projecting or blam-
ing—as the core element of this approach.
In addition, principles and practices from
Marshall B. Rosenberg’s approach called
“Nonviolent Communication” are often in-
corporated in RC training. Finally, RC asks us
to avoid deficit thinking and language that
identifies a person as the “problem” and in-
stead refer to the incident or behavior as the
problem. So instead of thinking “How do we
deal with the bully?” We ask, “What needs to
happen to prevent John from feeling the
need to bully others?” In this way, RC is not
only a way we speak to kids, but also a way
we speak about kids and to each other.
... instead of thinking
‘How do we deal with
the bully?’ We ask,
‘What needs to happen
to prevent John from
feeling the need to
bully others?’
”
hold onto the hope that if we just come
up with a more exciting lesson plan or
read more classroom management books
we will succeed in this goal. The truth is
much more complex and gets more so
every day as anxiety, depression, trauma,
and other behavioral challenges increase
in schools everywhere.
Outside of what I’ve learned from others
about this approach is the first-hand experi-
ence I’ve had with students. What I know for
sure is that two factors influence the suc-
cess or failure of RC more than any script
you come up with. First are the eyes with
which you see the student. Biases, assump-
tions, beliefs, and ignorance all cloud how
we see a student. Before we can have a suc-
cessful restorative conversation we need to
drop what we think we know and work to
learn what we don’t know. It is, therefore, the
responsibility of every educator to become
trauma-informed and culturally competent.
Second, students respond more to the qual-
ity of our presence than to the perfection of
our words. Our habits of communication are
With this approach, everyone, including
John, can learn how to have a conversation
that leads to engagement, peaceful resolu-
tion, learning, and repair, instead of esca-
lation, disengagement, and/or exclusion.
And in the field of restorative practices in
schools, that is the goal—to create the con-
ditions for students to engage and remain
engaged in learning. As teachers, we often
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CSEE Connections
Winter 2019
Page 3