WHAT IS BELONGING ?
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To understand belonging in independent education today , some thought needs to be given to history . Independent school founders were almost always motivated by belonging . Historically , belonging focused on a deep sense of “ us ” and “ them .” The “ us ” could have been shared religion or pedagogy . The focus could also have been based more around ensuring “ my children are not with them ”— children of other races or socio-economic status . Here , independent education ’ s goal was to maintain barriers and prevent diversity , in favor of preserving and deepening an “ us .”
Evolution of Belonging
Over the past few generations , independent schools moved from avoiding to seeking diversity . This change has not been a “ light switch ” kind of movement , but rather an evolutionary one . Reflecting on this evolution , I
When being tolerated , you were allowed to be different , but in this sameness stage , expressing difference from the numerical majority can be labeled disloyal , rebellious , or anti-community .
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” see five developmental stages that schools often go through in this journey .
Tolerance We will tolerate them . The motivations for this stage can vary : a law may require it or charitable thoughts might cause a school to want to help them or , as one head told me decades ago , “ they need to be here so our boys will understand the people who will be working for them one day .” Going back to the Thanksgiving guest , their experience could have positive elements for the hosts or guests , but clearly the guests do not belong and their needs and desires would not impact the gathering .
Sameness From tolerance , communities often move to what I call “ sameness .” The glare of the us and them causes a desire to say that there are no “ them ” here — we are all the same . At first read , this well-intentioned approach may seem great . But if you listen to those who were once labeled “ them ,” this situation can be worse than the previous tolerance stage . When being tolerated , you were allowed to be different , but in this sameness stage , expressing difference from the numerical majority can be labeled disloyal , rebellious , or anti-community . Even if someone is accepted / popular in a community , that acceptance may not feel genuine . “ If they knew the real me ...” This situation is especially present if someone ’ s difference from the majority may not be easily known , like being gay . A person may feel like an imposter in the community .
Page 2 Summer 2023 CSEE Connections