SENSING AND SENDING BELONGING
“... belonging is a result of social reflection . It ’ s not sufficient for me to have an internal sense that I belong . It ’ s critical for the actions of others to signal my belonging as well .”
authentic self . In the worst sense , this could be considered “ selling out ” or otherwise pretending to be something that you ’ re really not .
Changing where you are is also a way to respond to a deficient sense of belonging , and can manifest by seeking to change the environment without leaving it . In this mode , you might activate or mobilize others to change something ( such as laws , values , norms ) about the community you ’ re in to make it ( i . e ., its people ) more accepting of those whose sense of belonging is attacked or undermined . Changing where you are can also mean that you decide to change your physical location ( you might transfer to a new school or move to a new neighborhood ). In the words of Isabel Wilkerson , you set out to find the ‘ warmth of other suns ’ in a place you believe will be more aligned with your way of being , thinking , feeling . In either case , chang- ing who or where you are leaves the sensor responsible for reconciling their sense of compromised belonging .
Surely , the burden of creating belonging shouldn ’ t only fall to the person seeking it . Isn ’ t it just as important , if not more so , for others to be responsible for creating and sustaining the sense of belonging in others ? For us to feel we belong , we require the welcoming embrace of others ; we require that others affirm we belong AND for us to feel it authentically . This is where being a “ sender ” is important and necessary .
As the “ sender ” of belonging signals , you must show me that you embrace that I belong in the same space . In the Harvard Business Review article , “ The Value of Belonging at Work ,” 2 the authors define belonging as “... the sense of being accepted and included by those around you .” They advise that “ even the most effective recruiting strategy for diversity won ’ t lead to long-term change if new talent isn ’ t supported to succeed .” In this vein , belonging is a result of social reflection . It ’ s not sufficient for me to have an internal sense that I belong . It ’ s critical for the actions of others to signal my belonging as well . Indeed , for those whose sense of belonging is already compromised or low , the signaling is even more necessary . They cannot build it on their own in the absence of belonging messages sent by others , or worse in the face of clear “ you don ’ t belong ” messages .
2 . https :// hbr . org / 2019 / 12 / the-value-of-belonging-at-work
Continues on page 28
CSEE Connections Summer 2023 Page 9