SENSING AND SENDING BELONGING
While I could relate and empathize with nearly every “ Black at ” account of aggression , micro and macro , that was being shared by hundreds of affected youth and adults , based on my encounters and interactions with police , storekeepers , and others , I could not truly echo them with my own “ school days ” stories . I could say “ I hear you ” or “ I get it ” but I could not say “ me too ” when it came to being “ Black at Moorestown Friends ” ( though , of course , I don ’ t presume that to be the case for other Black students at the school then ). I wanted to join the chorus in solidarity . But it didn ’ t happen .
How did I avoid having “ Black at ” moments at my alma mater ? Was I looking back on my private high school years in a romanticized way , ignoring episodes of exclusion or racism that I actually experienced ? Or did I get lucky and really experience belonging in a place I thought I wouldn ’ t belong ? What was at play there and then ? Was it me and my mindset ? Was it the behavior of my classmates , teachers , and coaches ? Was it something about the DNA of the school ? In fact , it was all three .
The ethos and moral code ( the DNA ) of the MFS culture was driven by Quaker principles that I remember the school being about : noncompetition , social justice , self-expression , and respect for the light of God in every person ( which to me meant “ treat everyone as if you were facing God ”). In a community centered on these values , my sense of belonging thrived in an environment that encouraged others to believe and act in ways that supported that belonging . Sure , there were social cliques and imperfectly awkward social mo-
1 . https :// www . ncbi . nlm . nih . gov / pmc / articles / PMC8095671 /
“ As many clinical definitions of ‘ belonging ’ reflect , cultivating and sustaining a sense of belonging is a social act , a two-way street .”
ments here and there based on racial and economic difference , but was I fortunate not to have experienced a deep “ black @” moment ? Not really ; I think it was by spiritual and ethical design . I think the school centered connectedness and respect as core virtues that fostered belonging . But this strength of the place wouldn ’ t be enough to ensure my personal sense of belonging . It still required me to believe that I belonged and for the people in the place to act in ways to support it . As many clinical definitions of “ belonging ” reflect , cultivating and sustaining a sense of belonging is a social act , a two-way street . On one side of the street is the “ sensor ” and on the other is the “ sender .”
As the “ sensor ” of belonging , there are mindsets I must have and behaviors that I must exercise to sense that I belong in a space . My own sense of belonging is essential . In a study for the National Institutes for Health , “ Belonging : A Review of Conceptual Issues , an Integrative Framework , and Directions for Future Research ,” 1 researchers identify belonging as “ the subjective feeling of deep connection
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CSEE Connections Summer 2023 Page 7