WHAT IS BELONGING ?
Looking at our Thanksgiving table image , in the tolerance stage someone could easily refuse the platter of ham saying they keep kosher , but in the sameness stage , everyone at this table must love ham . “ We can invite them to the table , but the menu doesn ’ t need to change .”
It is worth noting that much of the rhetoric of those who are opposing DEIB work at schools flows out of this understanding of belonging . While some involved in these efforts may have nefarious motives to their undertakings , others believe they are helping people by advancing a sameness or colorblind view of community .
Stereotypes The “ suffocation ” brought on by “ sameness ” pushes a community forward towards doing better . The realization emerges that a good community doesn ’ t need to be marked by uniformity . The issue with the stereotypes stage is that the numerical majority define the difference , and cultural appropriation is a goal . Difference is “ celebrated ,” but it can also get very stereotypical . A sign of a community being in this stage is when one member of a community is tapped to speak for all people of color — because all of “ them ” have the same experience . While this scenario is an advance from “ sameness ,” it should be obvious that this is problematic . This situation does little to deal with the “ imposter ” situation where a student may feel accepted , but that acceptance is not real because the community does not know the real person .
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The foundation for any good independent school is the ability to see , hear , understand , and accept each student .
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Returning to our Thanksgiving table , this would be akin to serving a guest from China Chinese take-out ... without listening to and coming to know what the guest preferred .
Inclusion The foundation for any good independent school is the ability to see , hear , understand , and accept each student . Using this skill leads a community to inclusion . This stage requires community members to be fluent in the ability to actively listen . In so doing , commonality and internal diversity within groups of people emerge . Beyond those things that are often looked at , like race and sexual orientation , several factors may make students feel like they are not a part of the majority , such as divorce or learning differences . It can come to light in this stage that the majority of a community might feel as if they were an “ imposter ” and a part of the minority . Going back to the Thanksgiving table , while it has been a “ Jones family tradition ” for decades to serve ham for Thanksgiving , honest conversa-
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CSEE Connections Summer 2023 Page 3