L I TER AT URE IN RE VIE W
Continued from page 21
In Beyond Reason, Roger Fisher and Daniel
Shapiro offer a fivefold model for address-
ing the concern beneath the emotion. Ev-
eryone, they suggest, has one or more of
the following needs: to be Appreciated,
Affiliated, or Autonomous; and to have
their Role or their Status acknowledged. (I
have always found it difficult to distinguish
role from status, since they are often inter-
twined. “Do you know who I am?” can refer
either to the speaker being Chief Assistant
to the Assistant Chief, or the father of a
fourth-generation student at your school.)
The value of this paradigm is that it can help
us understand the conflicting needs that
produce what seem to be inconsistent or
irrational demands: a person may want to
teach in their own way, without any con-
straints from department or syllabus, or to
be outspoken and contrarian about non-ed-
ucational issues (Autonomy), but may also
want to be admired (Appreciated), or even
loved, by the rest of the faculty (Affiliation).
“
Everyone, they suggest,
has one or more of the
following needs: to be
Appreciated, Affiliated,
or Autonomous; and to
have their Role or their
Status acknowledged.
”
Having begun with a saint’s advice, let me
close with a theologian’s. In seeking pro-
ductive talk with another, keep Reinhold
Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer in mind: change
what you can, accept what you cannot, and
try to discern the difference. l
Richard (Dick) Barbieri “retired” after 40 years in independent schools only to take up a new
career in conflict resolution and mediation. He mediates between parties and facilitates
discussions in a broad range of circumstances, from family and court cases to cross-cultural
dialogue between students from universities around the world. In addition to Connections
Quarterly, he writes regularly for Independent School, and online at www.mediate.com. He
is editor of ACResolution, the quarterly of the Association for Conflict Resolution. Contact
him at [email protected].
Page 22 Summer 2020
CSEE Connections