PARENT TIPS CONTINUED
having clarity around roles . For reasons already highlighted , teachers feel vulnerable , and especially so in independent schools given the typical imbalance of power and income between parents and faculty .
• Familiarize yourself with individual educators ’ guidelines as well as school-wide policies / procedures regarding communication between parents and staff . When you have a concern limited to your child ’ s individual experience , select the appropriate first contact — teacher , counselor , coach , administrator — starting with the educator best able to take direct action . If your concern relates to curriculum , fundamental school philosophy , basically any consideration affecting the entire school community , be sure you are clear on how parents should be involved in discussions of that magnitude .
• If your initial communication with an educator results in fundamental differences of opinion remember that some disagreement is normal , often stemming from misunderstanding and miscommunication . Being well-informed allows you to distinguish matters related to school policy and , therefore , outside a teacher ’ s direct control . If your concern centers on a teacher / student interaction , explore your child ’ s perspective . Especially with younger kids — but useful with any age — use a “ problem pie ” chart . Draw “ slices ” to represent everyone who “ owns ” a piece of the problem — perhaps including yourself — letting the size of the pieces correspond to where responsibility for resolution lies . Ask yourself and your child how the educator involved might draw the pie . If a good faith effort fails to find common ground , ask the teacher to direct you on how to proceed . Don ’ t gossip with other parents or post on social media about interactions with school staff — always a good practice but especially important when modeling for your kids respectful ways to problem solve .
• To help your child flourish in the school your family has chosen , focus on protecting educators ’ unique ability to connect with their students . Appreciate that as another contributor to this Connections notes , teachers “ are expected to be counselors , mediators , and diplomats with both children and parents ,” never easy but especially fraught as we all evolve into a new normal . The Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence has listed how survey respondents in education want to feel : inspired , happy , valued , supported , and respected . While continuing appropriate advocacy for your child , commit to finding ways to ensure their teachers can effectively don their many “ hats ,” successfully engage with an increasingly varied parent constituencies , and experience a high degree of professional fulfillment . •
Julie Stevens is a parent , former school psychologist , and former independent school teacher . She has written numerous articles on parenting and moral growth that can be found on csee . org .
CSEE Connections Spring 2023 Page 29