wondering how long I really have left. And what about Bing? How do
I get him to understand this? I mean, it took me a hell of a long time
to get him where he could do what tasks I have already taught him.
How the hell do I begin to teach him to live without me? How the
hell do I get him where he is independent?
“How do I get him to understand that I won’t always be there to
keep him on track? I don’t know. I don’t know.
The tears flowed down Ryan’s face. He rarely cried, but now, it
was like the dam had busted and he couldn’t stop. Sam took his
head in her arms and began to gently rock it.
“My dear, dear man,” she whispered, “no one could ever accuse
you of not caring. The only fault you’ve ever had is caring a little too
deeply...and that’s what makes me love you even more.
3.
As evening fell, the three sat around the kitchen table. Dinner had
just ended and it was now time for family discussions. Ryan
watched as Bingham sat moping, still sulking about his not being
home during the day. Sam sat quietly and allowed the brothers to
take their time in opening up.
“Damn it, Bing,” Ryan began, breaking the silence, “you can’t stay
mad at me. I did what was, and still is, in our best interest. You have
to get over it. You need to get used to it. If this is how it will always
be, then I will have no choice but to break my promise to mom and
dad. You remember what I promised them, don’t you?”
Bing nodded. Still, he sat quietly, sulking. To him, his brother had
scared him. Made him think that something bad had happened.
“Tell me what I promised mom and dad, Bing,” Ryan pressed.
“Oo pwomised them u would nevoo bweak up ouah family,” Bing
replied, sulkily, “oo pwomised to always take cow ub me.”
“Exactly,” Ryan replied, “but you also know that someone has to
also make sure that we don’t become homeless, too, don’t you?”
“Yeth,” came the slobbery reply.
“And that I won’t always be able to care for you?”
Ryan