TAKING A
STAND
www.conference-news.co.uk
53
Stress Matters
Laura Capell-Abra,
founder of Stress Matters, faces
down a big challenge
I’m feeling just a little bit proud of myself this
month and I can share with you a personal
disclosure: for nearly 20 years I have had a
really challenging relationship with a member of
my extended family. It is one of those
relationships where lots of small things have
added up to not feeling comfortable in their
presence but feeling a sense of loyalty to still be
involved in family events. Their personality is big
and to me, intimidating and aggressive.
I told you 2020 was going to be my year of
action, and this month I’ve done something, and
it feels great.
I told that person that they made me feel
uncomfortable, I told them my reasons and I told
them what I wanted from our relationship going
forward. That 30-minute conversation for me
was a major event but I fully appreciate on the
outside it sounds like barely anything. I finally
felt that in my late 30s, I was finally grown-up
enough to deal with it. The level of anxiety on the
build-up to that conversation stopped me
sleeping and my heart was pounding and there
felt like a high chance I’d back out, but I did it.
Now it’s done, I have finally acknowledged
something which I knew all along: they are not
going to change, our relationship is not going to
change, but what is going to change is how
much I let it impact me. I’m done with someone
else impacting how I feel, I don’t want them to
have that level of control over me.
In a way I hope that none of you have that
challenging relationship at work or home that
you want to address but what I can tell you is
that if you do build up your confidence to say
something to them, they might not change but
you will. You will be empowered
again by taking a stand.
Whether that bully is at work,
at home, or in the playground,
they don’t win if we show
them that we can stand up
for ourselves. We can
control the level of anxiety
other people make us feel,
we just need to have a little
bit of faith in ourselves.