more appropriate or you hate the name
Suzanne, or it has too many syllables,
or you’re morally opposed to using the
letter Z in a name, it’s not appropriate to
create your own nickname for me.
Likewise, if someone says, “Please
use ‘they’ instead of ‘he’ or ‘she’ when
referring to me,” you should use “they.”
Using “he” or “she” is rude (and could
be evidence of illegal discrimination). In
spite of anyone’s beliefs about whether
or not the singular “they” is appropri-
ate, if someone asks you to use it, use it
about that person.
The workplace is not where we
should fight our political or cultural
battles. We are polite to our coworkers,
and this is the polite thing to do.
Understand change is hard
Being asked to use “they” in reference
to an individual may be new to some
people, but the Oxford English Diction-
ary dates this usage back to the 14th
century. We have used it for years when
we don’t know someone’s gender. Like
this: “You should ask your boss what
they think about that.” I use “they” as
singular because I haven’t met your
boss and have no idea whether your
boss is a man or woman. Most of us
(except for extreme grammarians) are
OK with that.
Referring to a person you know in
that manner may seem weird at first.
Even someone who is supportive of
nonbinary people and their rights can
stumble over a simple sentence. It’s es-
sential to give people time to correct if
they make a mistake.
Support your nonbinary employee
by asking if they would like you to
make corrections on their behalf, and
let them know that it’s OK to correct
people but to do so in a professional
manner. They may also choose certain
situations where they let it go, and that
is up to them. However, if someone on
the staff knows Chris uses “they,” that
person should be corrected, and if they
continue using the wrong pronouns,
HR should have a chat about polite-
ness, discrimination and putting the
company at risk.
If it’s a vendor you’ll see once every
six months, it’s in the middle of a meet-
ing, and the vendor uses “he” to refer
to Chris, it may be disruptive to correct
the vendor in an instance like that, but
the boss or Chris can follow up with
the vendor: “FYI, Chris uses they/them.
Thought you’d want to know for future
reference.” However, this scenario could
be embarrassing to the gender-neutral
person, so once again, make sure to have
the conversation about how to handle
this type of situation with the employee
before it happens.
Remember, this is much bigger than
just whether someone is polite to a col-
league in the workplace. This is about
ensuring that your employee does not feel
discriminated against on the basis of their
identity. If you’re still unclear on what
to do or why this matters, I suggest you
make use of numerous resources online
from LGBT organizations and other
groups that offer FAQ pages for how to
handle pronouns.
This is an issue that will come up
more often, and we need to be prepared.
This doesn’t mean all your employees
need to identify their pronouns in their
email signatures, but if someone wants
to, they should.
Suzanne Lucas spent 10 years in corpo-
rate human resources, where she hired,
fired, managed the numbers and double-
checked with the lawyers. On Twitter
@RealEvilHRLady. Send questions to
evilhrlady@gmail.com.
How are gender-neutral pronouns
handled in your workplace?
TWEET US @COMSTOCKSMAG
March 2020 | comstocksmag.com
31