REFLECTIONS
To win a losing game
By Manoj Khatri
THERE’S A GAME THAT almost everyone likes to
play all over the world. The game is popular among
children, adults and even most elders; it is so easy
that people play with everyone—from their cherished
loved ones to their friends, colleagues, and even
unknown strangers in the marketplace. Not only
individuals, but even organisations, associations
and countries are obsessed with playing it. The
uniqueness of this game is that winning is not an
option. No ma er how long you have practised and
how well you play this game, losing is a guarantee.
Yet, so rampant is this game among humans that
to an alien species it would appear that we must be
gaining a lot of health or wealth or some other great
benefit by playing it. If only they knew the reality!
If you haven’t yet figured out which game I am
referring to, it’s called The Blame Game.
A chain smoker who is diagnosed with lung cancer
sues the cigare e company for damages; a salesman
blames the “economy” for his poor performance at
work; an unfulfilled man holds his wife accountable
for his woes… if nothing works, we blame the
omnipresent God for our misfortune. Because, we are
blamers, that’s what we do! And I am no exception.
I have been playing this game forever and, as
expected, have always lost. But old habits die hard,
so I continue to play it even now. The only difference
is that now I stop myself as soon as I remember that I
will lose, no ma er how effectively I play it.
The art of ducking
Why would I play a losing game? If you ask
psychologists, they will say that blaming is a
convenient defence mechanism. A er all, who wants
to admit he or she is in the wrong? Besides, on the
surface, blaming comes across as a smart way to
protect and preserve my self concept. But then I resort
to blaming even when my self-concept is not under
threat—like when I point a finger at the government,
religious leaders, businessmen and many others for
the ills that plague my world.
Blaming, it turns out, is actually an effective
avoidance tactic. When I blame others, I duck the
responsibility for my feelings of unhappiness,
frustration or an undesirable situation. It makes
me feel be er, self-righteous if you will. And most
frequently, it also helps give vent to my feelings in the
heat of the moment.
The avoidable wall
Alas, no ma er how justified the pay-offs of blaming
seem, in the end I lose. All it does is keeps me outer
directed and stuck in the undesirable situation.
What’s more, every time I play this game, I declare
that I am helpless and, in effect, give up my power.
But perhaps the worst part about blaming is that
it builds a wall between me and those whom I blame.
Sometimes it succeeds in making the other [o en a
loved one] feel guilty, resulting in a short-lived feeling
of triumph but o en at the cost of a long-term crack
in the relationship.
And that’s how, every time I play this game, I
lose… and then some. Still, on some lucky days, I
surrender at half-time and claim all responsibility.
Ironically, when I stop playing the game, I win. You
see, with no one to blame, there’s no one to lose.
That’s the secret of wining a losing game!
Printed by Manoj Khatri, on behalf of Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd., at Rajhans Enterprises, No. 134, 4th Main Road, Industrial Town,
Rajajinagar, Bangalore - 560044, and published by him from Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd., 502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza,
Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road, Mumbai 400072. Editor: Manoj Khatri
COMPLETE WELLBEING
VOL X ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2015 13