a teenager as possible. But the battle no one saw was the struggle for me to actually
eat, and if I did, I needed to be close to a restroom. No one wants to do #2 in public,
especially not around friends at that age. They never really saw how badly my stomach
would hurt because I would hide it so well, they never knew how much my hair was
always falling out, and they just thought I liked changing my hairstyle that’s why I always
cut it. All they knew is that I was always sick…they couldn’t miss that part because I
would always be missing from school. Some of my closest friends knew about my true
illness but none really understood, and I definitely didn’t want it spread around school
that I had a pooping disease; I was fine with being “the sick girl”. My senior year was
the worst for my Crohn’s, I was so ill I needed to be homeschooled for a few months,
went back to school for two weeks looking like a chipmunk due to the effects of the
prednisone. People were afraid to talk to me because they didn’t recognize me, I heard
rumors, like I got a tooth pulled that’s why my face was swollen, I got into a fight, car
accident, that’s my fat sister, I heard it all. But within those short two weeks I didn’t
have too much time to let it hurt my feelings because I was back to home schooling
due to poor health conditions. I came back right before graduation, my face was back to
normal and I felt great due to a change in medication that helped put me into remission
immediately…thank you, Remicade.
I can honestly say my life started when I graduated high school but it only lasted for
about two and a half years until Remicade was no longer an effective drug for me,
and my health depleted so fast and with such a vengeance that surgery was a must. I
had a blockage in my ileum and it was becoming scar tissue so it had to be removed.
Although I knew surgery wasn’t a cure, I thought it was going to be my cure. Shortly after
a successful surgery and a two week period of great recovery at home, I fell extremely
sick and back to the hospital I was. Three long months of living in the hospital, and it
was discovered that my Crohn’s returned right at the surgical site. This shocked even the
doctors because although it is known that Crohn’s may return at the surgical site, they
said it was impossible for it to return so fast. Well guess what? It’s possible because it
happened to me, my Crohn’s came back two weeks after surgery. I can go on about all
the complications and tests I went through during my 3 month stay in the hospital but
then I would be writing a book. I just know that I was 20 years old, locked in a hospital,
I felt alone, and that was my first face to face encounter with depression. It became
too much, an endless battle and no solution. I wanted to just experience life like all my
friends were. I was fading and doctors didn’t seem to have a concrete plan on how to
revive me. After the nightmare was over, I started Humira and again immediate remission
for 3 years. Sorry, but there is no happy ending because a year ago I flared up again and
my health is back in the hole.
Within my journey to get my health back, I realized that I am one strong individual. At
25 years old, I have been through a lot, but during my periods of remission I feel like
I lived life to the fullest. I realize that over the years dealing with my health, it became
something that I was no longer ashamed of, and I would no longer get depressed about
it. I mean I am human, I do have my days when it does affect me, but I always seem to
shake it off and continue with a positive attitude and a smile. I have learned to embrace
my illness because I can’t get rid of it, it is a part of me and I can’t let Crohn’s disease
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