COMMUNICATION: How To Flirt, Start Conversations And Keep Them Going? The Art Of Succesful Flirting and Dating | Page 25

comments on the weather. A touch of humour can make these openers even more effective. There is no need for
elaborate attempts at wit: a simple twist such as "Lovely day, isn't it?" during a torrential downpour will raise a smile if
your target finds you attractive. (If your target does not find you attractive, more elaborate efforts will be no more
effective.)
Once some degree of mutual attraction has been established, the use of humour in flirtatious conversations tends to
come naturally, as both parties are motivated to keep their target amused and interested. Our natural instinct is to try to
make the other person smile. We need constant reassurance that we are liked and appreciated by the object of our
attraction, and smiles and laughter provide that reassurance.
One particular form of humour, playful teasing, is particularly common in flirtatious encounters. This is because playful
teasing allows partners to increase the 'personal'
content of the exchange, while keeping the tone lighthearted and non-serious, thus escalating the level of
disclosure and intimacy in a non-threatening manner.
Men respond particularly well to this form of
humour, as it closely resembles the 'mock-arguments'
and good-humoured exchanges of insults which are
their normal means of expressing friendship among
themselves.
The most common mistakes in flirtatious use of
humour involve opposite extremes. Men are more
likely to over-use humour or monopolise the joketelling, and fail to notice that their companion is
bored or frustrated. Women sometimes have a
tendency to under-use humour – to adopt a serious
tone when their companion would be more
comfortable with light-hearted banter. There are
many exceptions, of course: we've all met heavy-going men and raucous women, but most studies show that women are
generally more cautious in their use of humour, while men are more inclined to avoid heart-to-heart seriousness.
If you feel you may sometimes be guilty of either excessive or inadequate use of humour, watch your companion
carefully for signs of boredom or embarrassment – such as feet or body turning away from you, forced smiles, reduced
eye-contact, reduced verbal attention-signals, fidgeting, defensive arm-crossing, etc. If you are overdoing the humour,
these would be your cues to tone it down a bit. If you are being too serious, lighten up!
Parting
Your approach to leave-taking after a flirtatious
conversation is of critical importance, as it will
determine your future relationship with your
companion.
Many flirtatious encounters are of naturally short
duration – where it is understood that there are no
serious intentions, merely an ego-boosting
acknowledgement of mutual attraction. These lighthearted 'brief encounters' are part of normal social
interaction, and only the pathetic or desperate would
imagine that every passing exchange of flirtatious
banter is a prelude to matrimony.
Flirting would not, however, be such a universal
feature of human interaction if it did not occasionally
serve some more long-term purpose – such as sex,
reproduction, the survival of the species, etc. While
there is no harm in practising our flirting skills just for
the fun of it, there will be some occasions when we
wish to pursue the relationship, and a cheery,
unconcerned "Bye, then" or "Nice meeting you" will
not do. This is when parting words and gestures take
on greater significance.