COMMUNICATION: How To Flirt, Start Conversations And Keep Them Going? In Depth Guide to Approaching, Flirting and Dating | Page 37

Guide to Flirting
What Social Science can tell you about flirting and how to do it
Why do we flirt?
Flirting is much more than just a bit of fun: it is a universal and
essential aspect of human interaction. Anthropological research
shows that flirting is to be found, in some form, in all cultures and
societies around the world.
Flirting is a basic instinct, part of human nature. This is not surprising: if
we did not initiate contact and express interest in members of the opposite
sex, we would not progress to reproduction, and the human species would
become extinct.
According to some evolutionary psychologists, flirting may even be the
foundation of civilisation as we know it. They argue that the large human
brain – our superior intelligence, complex language, everything that
distinguishes us from animals – is the equivalent of the peacock's tail: a
courtship device evolved to attract and retain sexual partners. Our
achievements in everything from art to rocket science may be merely a
side-effect of the essential ability to charm.

If flirting is instinctive, why do we need this Guide?
Like every other human activity, flirting is governed by a complex set of
unwritten laws of etiquette. These rules dictate where, when, with whom
and in what manner we flirt. We generally obey these unofficial laws
instinctively, without being conscious of doing so.
We only become aware of the rules when someone commits a breach of this etiquette – by flirting with the wrong
person, perhaps, or at an inappropriate time or place. Chatting up a widow at her husband's funeral, for example,
would at the very least incur disapproval, if not serious distress or
anger.
This is a very obvious example, but the more complex and subtle
aspects of flirting etiquette can be confusing – and most of us have
made a few embarrassing mistakes. Research shows that men find
it particularly difficult to interpret the more subtle cues in women's
body-language, and tend to mistake friendliness for sexual interest.
Another problem is that in some rather Puritanical cultures, such as
Britain and North America, flirting has acquired a bad name. Some
of us have become so worried about causing offence or sending the
wrong signals that we are in danger of losing our natural talent for
playful, harmless flirtation.
So, to save the human race from extinction, and preserve the
foundations of civilisation, Martini commissioned Kate Fox at the
Social Issues Research Centre to review and analyse all the
scientific research material on interaction between the sexes, and
produce a definitive guide to the art and etiquette of enjoyable
flirting.