Collin County Living Well Magazine Summer 2014 | Page 21

Just Do Something

By Rick Allen

A

very large sports apparel company coined
the phrase “Just Do It” a while back and
although simple, the depth of the message is
phenomenal. People have found inspiration
in that simple message and have overcome
obstacles and hurdles in their everyday lives and have accomplished great things from starting their own companies
to losing weight and improving their overall health. If you
have a “thinker” style of communicating, like I do, you
probably struggle with simple things. When asked what
time it is, you answer with detailed instructions on clock
building. My wife is constantly reminding me to just get to
the point. So, the concept of simple things not only works
well, it is often preferred by many.
In decision making regarding funeral services, this is
where many people, at least nowadays, are getting derailed. The sheer complexity of the task can be more than
what most people think they can handle. Especially, when
this overwhelming task is a need resulting from the loss of
someone you love. This is where funeral directors come into
play. It was once estimated that the number of decisions
and details needing to be addressed in funeral planning are
similar to those a bride and groom make when planning
their wedding. The huge difference is a wedding coordinator has several months in which to pull the numerous details
together. The funeral director must make this happen in
a matter of a few days. Because of this, many people are
choosing to go a simpler route in honoring the life of their
loved one. Some people are even going to the extreme of
doing nothing more than the very minimum that is required

and forego all else. The purpose of this discussion is not to
cast judgment on the choices people make, but rather to encourage people to “just do something.”
In a previous article regarding the practice of viewing the
body of a loved one, the comparison was made between people who do not view and those whose loved one is declared
dead, but a body never found. Closure is often so difficult
when the opportunity to say good-bye is diminished or eliminated altogether. This can hold true for the lack of some
sort of tribute as well. Denial that a death has occurred is
one of the phases of grief. There are other phases of grief as
well, and unless a person can face and deal with each phase,
it is difficult, if not impossible, to ever reach the final phase
of grieving: acceptance and reconciliation. It can appear
that attempting to ignore a death by refusing to conform
to any of the customs surrounding funerals, one can just
skip the process of grief and go on with their normal life
as if nothing has happened. In our crowded schedules and
busy lifestyles, not stopping to grieve and say good-bye may
seem like the most sensible thing to do. This will appear
true until at some point down the road anger, guilt and the
other phases of grief arrive and the person who has experienced the loss wonders why they just can’t seem to get on
with their life.
As difficult as it may seem at the time, it is absolutely
necessary for the family of a person who has died to seek
the advice of a funeral director and work together to create
something that is meaningful, appropriate and affordable
that will enable family and friends to come together, share
their grief and say good-bye. It does not have to be elaborate nor even traditional for that matter. It just needs to be
something. A great example of this concept is the experience of a family we recently served. The person who died
was cremated and a funeral service was going to be held in
another state at a later time. However, many friends here
needed to have something, especially since they could not
travel to the site of the funeral. So, an evening of remembrance was scheduled at the funeral home. This event
resembled a reception with mementos, photos and refreshments out for those attending. Although it was very
evident that a death had occurred, the atmosphere was
light and every person who came was grateful the spouse
had considered them in planning the event.
While it appears to be easier to do as little as is required, or even nothing at all, consider the potential good
that can come from just doing something.
Rick Allen is the owner of Allen Family Funeral Options
and may be reached at 972-596-8200, or you may visit their
website at www.affoplano.com
Collin County Living Well Magazine • Summer 2014

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