Collin County Living Well Magazine May/June 2016 | Page 39

Just Do Something

A

By Rick Allen

very large sports apparel company coined the
phrase “Just Do It” a while back and although
simple, the depth of the message is phenomenal. People have found inspiration in that
simple message and have overcome obstacles
and hurdles in their everyday lives and have accomplished
great things from starting their own companies to losing
weight and improving their overall health. If you have a
“thinker” style of communicating, like I do, you probably
struggle with simple things. When asked what time it is,
you answer with detailed instructions on clock building. My
wife is constantly reminding me to just get to the point. So,
the concept of simple things not only works well, it is often
preferred by many.
In decision making regarding funeral services, this is where many
people, at least nowadays, are getting derailed. The sheer complexity
of the task can be more than what
most people think they can handle.
Especially, when this overwhelming task is a need resulting from
the loss of someone you love. This
is where funeral directors come
into play. It was once estimated
that the number of decisions and
details needing to be addressed
in funeral planning are similar to
those a bride and groom make
when planning their wedding. The
huge difference is a wedding coordinator has several months in which to pull the numerous
details together. The funeral director must make this happen
in a matter of a few days. Because of this, many people are
choosing to go a simpler route in honoring the life of their
loved one. Some people are even going to the extreme of
doing nothing more than the very minimum that is required
and forego all else. The purpose of this discussion is not to
cast judgment on the choices people make, but rather to
encourage people to “just do something.”
In a previous article regarding the practice of viewing
the body of a loved one, the comparison was made between people who do not view and those whose loved
one is declared dead, but a body never found. Closure
is often so difficult when the opportunity to say good-bye
is diminished or eliminated altogether. This can hold true

for the lack of some sort of tribute as well. Denial that a
death has occurred is one of the phases of grief. There
are other phases of grief as well, and unless a person
can face and deal with each phase, it is difficult, if not
impossible, to ever reach the final phase of grieving: acceptance and reconciliation.
It can appear that attempting to ignore a death by refusing to conform to any of the customs surrounding funerals,
one can just skip the process of grief and go on with their
normal life as if nothing has happened. In our crowded
schedules and busy lifestyles, not stopping to grieve and
say good-bye may seem like the most sensible thing to do.
This will appear true until at some point down the road
anger, guilt and the other phases
of grief arrive and the person who
has experienced the loss wonders
why they just can’t seem to get on
with their life.
As difficult as it may seem at the
time, it is absolutely necessary for
the family of a person who has died
to seek the advice of a funeral director and work together to create
something that is meaningful, appropriate and affordable that will
enable family and friends to come
together, share their grief and say
good-bye. It does not have to be
elaborate nor even traditional for
that matter. It just needs to be something. A great example of this concept is the experience of
a family we recently served. The person who died was cremated and a funeral service was going to be held in another state at a later time. However, many friends here needed
to have something, especially since they could not travel
to the site of the funeral. So, an evening of remembrance
was scheduled at the funeral home. This event resembled a
reception with mementos, photos and refreshments out for
those attending. Although it was very evident that a death
had occurred, the atmosphere was light and every person
who came was grateful the spouse had considered them in
planning the event.
While it appears to be easier to do as little as is required,
or even nothing at all, consider the potential good that can
come from just doing something.

Rick Allen is the owner of Allen Family Funeral Options and may be reached at 972-596-8200,
or you may visit their website at www.affoplano.com.
COLLIN COUNTY Living Well Magazine | MAY/JUNE 2016

37