Collin County Living Well Magazine March/April 2016

Communication That Works! By Georgia Smith, MA H ave you stopped to consider how important the gift of communication is in our world? Think about it! The idea, that without it, we would live in constant chaos. Think of all the reasons we need to communicate. Think of all the instruments of technology that run smoothly because of the ability to connect through communication. Think of all the people we correspond with and how important it is to express ourselves clearly. Counseling many couples, I have found one of the most common problems in many relationships is ineffective communication. Communicating your thoughts clearly and concisely is a skill that is learned. Some people are a natural with this skill, while others require more practice and good examples to demonstrate how to communicate clearly and concisely. This is why it is important for parents to demonstrate good communication with each other and with their children in the home. Great communication involves the important skill of “listening.” If you are not being heard or if you do not listen and perceive what the other person is conveying, then partial communication and misunderstanding is likely to occur. One of the most frustrating factors in any relationship is the feeling of “never being heard or understood.” Listening takes effort and practice, but it is one of the most wonderful ways to convey to someone “you care,” “you are trying to understand,” and “they are important.” Have you ever asked yourself why it is easier to talk and convey your thoughts to an almost perfect stranger than someone you know well? Interesting thought! This is because there is no close emotional history or bond where pre-conceived ideas, past experiences, blame and/or defensiveness has had a chance to develop. So, how do we effectively communicate? To Effectively Communicate: 1. Make eye contact while listening. Keep your thoughts on what is being said, guarding against thinking about something else, or being too quick to respond. Meaning, instead of thinking about what you are going to say next, listen to what the other person is 18 COLLIN COUNTY Living Well Magazine | MARCH/APRIL 2016 saying while they are talking. 2. Do not interrupt. Let the person finish what they are trying to say. 3. Guard against defensiveness, blame, and justification attitudes. 4. Remember we are all individuals and have a right to our perspectives. Not everyone is going to believe or think exactly the way we do and we must give others the freedom to think and believe what they want. 5. State as clearly as possible the topic or issue you want to convey. 6. The person listening should restate what has been said to them, making certain they perceived correctly what was being said. This is where many misperceptions take place. Sometimes we do not understand exactly what the person is stating so restating helps clear any mis-perceptions. 7. After what you have conveyed has been restated by the person you are communicating with, clarify anything needing clarification. 8. Continue the stating, restating, and clarifying until the issue has been fully discussed.

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