Collin County Living Well Magazine January/February 2020 | Page 41
JUST DO SOMETHING
A
very large sports apparel company coined the
phrase “Just Do It” a while back and although
simple, the depth of the message is phenom-
enal. People have found inspiration in that
simple message and have overcome obstacles
and hurdles in their everyday lives and have accomplished
great things from starting their own companies to losing
weight and improving their overall health. If you have a
“thinker” style of communicating, like I do, you probably
struggle with simple things. When asked what time it is,
you answer with detailed instructions on clock building. My
wife is constantly reminding me to just get to the point. So,
the concept of simple things not only works well, it is often
preferred by many.
In decision making regarding funeral services, this is where
many people, at least nowadays, are getting derailed. The
sheer complexity of the task can be more than what most peo-
ple think they can handle. Especially, when this overwhelming
task is a need resulting from the loss of someone you love.
This is where funeral directors come into play. It was once
estimated that the number of decisions and details needing to
be addressed in funeral planning are similar to those a bride
and groom make when planning their wedding. The huge dif-
ference is a wedding coordinator has several months in which
to pull the numerous details together. The funeral director must
make this happen in a matter of a few days. Because of this,
many people are choosing to go a simpler route in honoring
the life of their loved one. Some people are even going to the
extreme of doing nothing more than the very minimum that is
required and forego all else. The purpose of this discussion is
not to cast judgment on the choices people make, but rather
to encourage people to “just do something.”
In a previous article regarding the practice of viewing the
body of a loved one, the comparison was made between peo-
ple who do not view and those whose loved one is declared
dead, but a body never found. Closure is often so difficult
when the opportunity to say good-bye is diminished or elimi-
nated altogether. This can hold true for the lack of some sort
of tribute as well. Denial that a death has occurred is one of
the phases of grief. There are other phases of grief as well,
and unless a person can face and deal with each phase, it
is difficult, if not impossible, to ever reach the final phase of
grieving: acceptance and reconciliation. It can appear that
attempting to ignore a death by refusing to conform to any
of the customs surrounding funerals, one can just skip the pro-
cess of grief and go on with their normal life as if nothing has
By Rick Allen
happened. In our crowded schedules and busy lifestyles, not
stopping to grieve and say good-bye may seem like the most
sensible thing to do. This will appear true until at some point
down the road anger, guilt and the other phases of grief arrive
and the person who has experienced the loss wonders why
they just can’t seem to get on with their life.
As difficult as it may seem at the time, it is absolutely nec-
essary for the family of a person who has died to seek the
advice of a funeral director and work together to create some-
thing that is meaningful, appropriate and affordable that will
enable family and friends to come together, share their grief
and say good-bye. It does not have to be elaborate nor even
traditional for that matter. It just needs to be something. A
great example of this concept is the experience of a family we
recently served. The person who died was cremated and a
funeral service was going to be held in another state at a later
time. However, many friends here needed to have something,
especially since they could not travel to the site of the funeral.
So, an evening of remembrance was scheduled at the funeral
home. This event resembled a reception with mementos, pho-
tos and refreshments out for those attending. Although it was
very evident that a death had occurred, the atmosphere was
light and every person who came was grateful the spouse had
considered them in planning the event.
While it appears to be easier to do as little as is required, or
even nothing at all, consider the potential good that can come
from just doing something.
Rick Allen has been the owner of Allen Family Funeral Options for over 35 years and may be
reached at 972-596-8200, or you may visit their website at www.AFFOplano.com.
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