Collapsed Lexicon | Seite 91

  surrounded  by  orchards  and     burning  hills,   we  rest  our  engines,   stay  our  balding  treads.     We  breathe,   thinking  we’ve  found   whatever  it  was   we  were  looking  for.     But  as  cloudless  skies     give  way  to  a  darker  season,   the  rains  wash  away  the  surface,   and  we  discover  we’ve  brought   ourselves  with  us.     On  a  tiny  mattress   we  curl  into  each  other,   talking  of  that  other  place.     I  say,  "I’m  so  sorry  I’ve  been  this  way."   You  say,  "I  just  want  you  to  be  happy."   "What  is  it  I’m  trying  to  find?"  I  ask.   "I  don’t  know,  you  tell  me,   only  you  can  know  for  sure."     Lying  in  our  too-­‐small  bed,   sick  and  spent,   trying  to  decide  what  to  do   in  the  gray,   wet  December.   91