The Request or Offer
Some clients may be defensive
when asked how well they manage
commitment conversations. Careful
inquiry is key. In Maria’s case, her
coach started by asking specifically
about how she would go about
making a request:
MARIA :
I told my assistant VP to get
the report to me ASAP. When I finally
got it a week later, it was too late to
include in my report to the CEO. The
assistant VP dislikes me and wants me
to fail.
COACH:
How did you ask him?
What if your assistant VP can’t
get that report to you by tomorrow at 5?
COACH:
He’s fired.
Kidding. Um, I don’t know. I guess I
would ask why.
MARIAN (LAUGHING):
COACH:
What would that do?
MARIA :
Help me understand him.
COACH:
And then what?
MARIA :
If there were some compelling
reason, we could look at alternatives. I
probably wouldn’t get as upset with him.
Are you going tell him the
alternatives or ask him?
COACH:
I said, “You need to get that to
me ASAP.”
MARIA :
How do you feel when people
say things to you that begin with, “You
need to do this…”?
COACH:
MARIA :
COACH:
MARIA :
How’s that working?
MARIA (THINKING): Huh. If he identifies
alternatives, it might improve his buy-in.
We all need to get things done.
But how is it for you when
you’re told, “You need to do this …?”
COACH:
MARIA (UNCOMFORTABLY) :
seems … authoritarian.
COACH:
I’ve always just told people
what to do.
It
What is an alternative?
THE TAKEAWAY:
Support your clients as they
develop questions that will
offer a better result during
their negotiations.
MARIA :
I need the customer
satisfaction report ASAP.
Can you be more specific
about when?
COACH:
MARIA :
I need the customer
satisfaction report tomorrow at
5 p.m.
How does that differ from,
“You need to get that to me ASAP”?
COACH:
THE TAKEAWAY:
The more specifically your
client can qualify expectations,
the better. “I need the report
error-free and ready by 5 p.m.
tomorrow,” is preferable to “I need
the report ASAP.”
Negotiation
Negotiation is called for when one
party can’t accept a request. Here is
how you can help Maria think about it:
Acceptance
Either the request is accepted or it isn’t.
How a client closes the commitment
conversation contributes enormously to
how he or she is perceived.
Maria, what do you want to
be able to say about yourself after
this conversation?
COACH:
MARIA :
I want to be assertive, yet kind.
What can you do to
support that?
COACH:
THE TAKEAWAY:
Clients are often surprised when
they realize their behavior is at
odds with their intentions. Helping
to align intent with performance
can transform difficult situations
into successful interactions.
Maria’s Insights
Through coaching, Maria
decided that she really didn’t
want to resign and reaffirmed
her commitment to being
successful. She realized that
she was neither skillful nor
effective in coordinating
with others, which directly
contributed to her failures.
Learning how to manage
commitments helped her to
gain insights about how and
why she was failing. Besides
learning new behaviors, she
became more aware of herself
and others.
As the coaching engagement
progressed, Maria realized
that a fear of failure drove her
ineffectiveness. The individuals
who recruited Maria had
made big promises about her
intelligence and experience,
and she put a great deal of
pressure on her team in order
to deliver the desired results.
Instead of fueling productivity,
however, this approach
fueled resentment.
Through coaching, Maria
realized that the gift of fear is
expecting to lose something
valuable and therefore working
to prevent or prepare for that
loss. Maria learned that her
fear, if managed wisely, could
propel her to a better result.
She saw that she needed
others, and that awareness of
interdependence inspired her
to change how she managed
her commitments. Ultimately,
by better managing her
commitment conversations
and opening up to her
colleagues, Maria engaged her
team on a more personal level
and gained their attention as
she shared her vision. This
enabled the team to work for
the sake of the whole.
Coaching World 29