CMA HeartBeat October 2024 | Page 25

I were to tell you the truth ,

I ’ d have to say that I ’ ve spent a lot of my life lying to myself and others . I consider myself an honest person , and telling the truth is so important to me . But when it came to myself , lies reigned . Someone might ask , “ How are you ?” and I ’ d always say , “ I ’ m good !” If someone asked me for help or to do a favor , my response would always be yes , even if it hurt or inconvenienced me . I believed that I should always be “ fine .” If I wasn ’ t , that meant I wasn ’ t trusting God . If I admitted to being fearful , anxious , unsure , or fill in the blank , then I wasn ’ t being a “ good follower of Jesus .”

I recently did some reading on the action of confession . I grew up believing this was saying you ’ re sorry . All was good if you said you were sorry when you did something wrong . This thought , I ’ ve found , is not scriptural either . God calls us to honesty and true confession . 1 John 1:9 ( NKJV ) says , “ If we confess our sins , He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness .” This confession is telling God WHAT we did wrong . God calls us to be honest because this honesty turns into repentance . We can ’ t turn from something we won ’ t or don ’ t acknowledge . Through God ’ s forgiveness , we begin to experience transformation .

The thing that I confess to God may look like this ( note that the confession , in this case , isn ’ t a sin ): “ God , I ’ m fearful in this situation , and things feel out of control .” God will use my honesty to transform my fear into an opportunity to trust Him and experience His faithfulness . But I need to start with being honest with myself and God . I can ’ t grow and transform into the person God wants me to be and I can ’ t pursue holiness if I am unable to be honest with myself and my Creator .

God knows how I ’ m feel and what ’ s going through my mind every second . So why is it so difficult to be honest when expressing myself to Him ? I feel it ’ s because I ’ ve believed for so long that I was a bad person if I experienced human emotions . I wasn ’ t trusting God if I experienced fear . So , I had to put on a straight face and practice all the “ right words ,” so I looked like I was okay . I didn ’ t confess to God . I suppressed the feelings and covered them up with a lid of shame . This stopped me from experiencing the transformation God was offering me . As I slowly started to open up in honesty , I started to experience God in a completely new way . He didn ’ t greet my honesty with shame , judgement , or anger . He didn ’ t turn away and leave me to figure it out on my own . It sounds weird to describe it this way , but it was as if a door had been opened . and God was reaching His hand to me with a smile . telling me the adventure was just beginning . The weights fell off , and I felt as though a strap had been loosened from my lungs . I could breathe … I could feel without a sense of guilt . The box I had put my heart in at the leading of the devil was open , and I felt like I was seen for the first time in a long time . The freedom to feel my emotions has transformed my previous struggles into opportunities that point to God .

Slowly but truly , I ’ ve experienced transformation . I am able to say , “ God , I ’ m feeling afraid in this moment .” And then I fix my gaze on Him and watch how He transforms my fear into trust . I don ’ t have to have the answers , and I don ’ t have to suppress my Godgiven emotions . I do have to be honest and allow my loving Heavenly Father to search me , know me , and transform my feelings into the response He desires . I ’ m learning to confess , which is resulting in true repentance and transformation in my life . Will you be honest with God today ? He ’ s ready to transform your insecurities into testimonies of His faithfulness . CMA

Ben and Rachel Larson serve CMA as National Evangelist-Youth Movement .

25⎪OCTOBER 2024⎪www . cmausa . org