TESTIMONIES people who I thought were better than me because they were stable and I was not . I tried my very best to bring people down to a level of my pain and brokenness to make myself feel better . That man and I were just a real-life Bonnie and Clyde , but I didn ’ t realize that I was worth saving .
I blamed many people who were bad men who sucked me into the vortex of bike clubs and drugs . I tried my best to ensure I didn ’ t have to be a good person who earned things for herself . I didn ’ t have time for all that , but I would love to ruin someone else ’ s life just because I could while pretending to be a good person who cares about others . I started people into it who NEVER WOULD ’ VE BEEN AROUND DRUGS OR illicit , illegal activities ; all because I was in a dark place where there was no God but only hatred for myself and men in general . A bike club stole me at a younger age , and I felt like they robbed my life . I then set out on a 25-year rollercoaster of pain , legal problems , and the like . In my heart , I was going to take back everything from dummies who did not see it coming — TO BE IN CONTROL , AND TO HURT PEOPLE LIKE I WAS !
Something in me was so wrong that I didn ’ t have a soul or a conscience anymore , but I was okay with that too . By taking the time , giving me the truth and a good deed , as well as your phone number with a book of help , I believe you are EXACTLY LIKE THAT parable of the Good Samaritan . I felt heavily ashamed but loved all at once . God worked through you to get my attention and to reconsider my life choices .
As an adult , I had to rededicate myself and honestly surrender to the Lord , asking for forgiveness for all the horrible things I did or had done . The more I worked against that , the more I found myself reading the book — praying , and studying my Bible for reasons unknown to me . I ’ ve since gone to rehab and have gotten my life back in order instead of running away and causing more pain . I ’ ve been making true amends , and I completed a very rigorous de-programming therapy and drug rehab program . Every day I am working to be a part of someone ’ s wake-up call — like you were for me . God blesses those who sometimes think He turned His back on them , and in A FOREVER loving way , accepts it while his grace repairs people who need it the most . I don ’ t know how I fell so far from my own life lessons , but I ’ m glad I did because through dark paths and troubles , with music as my weapon — so to speak — I also was able to stop a few things .
I am now a drug counselor in training , working with forgotten , troubled youths and people with addiction . I can see how special I am , not just trash , as I was made to believe . I ’ m able to show love again and see beauty in people . The world and my life is full of joy . I grew up with a better insight of love and compassion than most people , who have zero ideas of the monster I was . But to provide help for even the most broken of broken people , I found my voice again , my heart , and the desire to be a good person for real .
Everything is all right now , although difficult as well . But I ’ m not letting GOD GO , and I see now that I wasn ’ t ever a mistake , and I do have a purpose ! My heart doesn ’ t hate anyone anymore , and my bitterness has subsided . Thank you for letting me see your act of kindness for a total stranger and a book that I needed to save myself with . I tried keeping my heart hardened , and in amazement , I indeed learned that I AM WORTH SAVING ! Who would have guessed that a little girl found her salvation on the back of a motorcycle and had been a prodigy for a 1 % motorcycle club ?
Now I ’ m a mother and recently found my conscience again . But as far as the guilt I felt , it was very consuming , with a heaviness that was killing me . Now I ’ m at peace and still alive , as well as clean . Thank you . The peace I feel every day is more than I deserve , and now , I really can show others love like no other because of our Lord . That ’ s the best blessing ever and a gift I can never repay .” CMA
09⎪FEBRUARY 2023⎪www . cmausa . org