An untapped ( and unspoken ) opportunity
How to provide help , hope and healing to sexual abuse survivors in your church
Church Executive : Even now , it seems like sexual trauma incidents are treated like isolated incidents . Why ? Dr . James Reeves : Sexual abuse occurs in a subterranean place . In a secret place . Most of the public is living on one level ; beneath that , there ' s a dark reality where the sexual abuse of children and young girls happens . And because the vast majority of women never actually talk about their sexual abuse , it contributes to the idea that it ' s not something that ' s going on all the time . A minimum of 1 in 3 girls will be abused by the age of 18 . I often speak about the ‘ code of silence ’ which must be broken in the Christian community around sexual abuse . It begins with church leaders . Pastors aren ’ t talking about the issue , even though there ' s plenty of biblical material — the story of David and Bathsheba is a classic case of sexual abuse . Sexual abuse always has an element of power . It can be physical , emotional , vocational or financial in nature . Meanwhile , women who haven ’ t had the experience aren ’ t talking about it because it ' s not on their radar . So , for the women who have been abused , they ’ re not going to talk about it because of shame and fear . This is how the perpetual circle of silence continues in the Christian community . At some point , it must be broken . Someone must step out and start the conversation in a safe way for survivors to access .
CE : In what ways is sexual trauma — whenever it happens to a woman — likely to manifest itself tragically in her life ? Reeves : Whether it ’ s sexual , physical or emotional trauma , there are some commonalities . The individual enters immediately into pain ; the trauma causes suffering . Even as children , the first thing we start doing when we hurt is to look for medication , some way to escape the hurt . Without appropriate intervention to start the healing process , we find temporary relief in something else . Often , the suffering leads us into self-destructive behaviors . Among children , this might manifest in isolation . As we get older , we might find pornography , affairs and promiscuity , because that ' s the only definition we have of what it means to be loved . We might also seek relief from the suffering with food , drugs and alcohol . As a result , we not only have the suffering related to the sin committed against us , but now there is the suffering from our own bad choices . So again , we look for medication . Around and around it goes in a circular motion . This is what I call the “ sin-suffering cycle ."
To break this cycle in a survivor ' s life , we must address the suffering . The survivor has probably confessed and repented a thousand times — and genuinely meant it — but by not addressing the suffering , the sin always comes back .
CE : Teens are also encouraged to participate in this program . How does the program differ for these participants ?
Reeves : While the Fearless Series for Women [
www . fs4women . com ] was developed specifically for grown women to start addressing their trauma , we know that the average age of sexual abuse is 9 . So , by the time students get into junior high and high school , many have already experienced sexual abuse , and it ' s already having a negative impact . Without intervention , it ’ s bound to eventually damage their lives , their marriages , their homes , and their families . By inviting teens to participate in the Series , we ’ re starting the intervention process while they ' re in the home and their care-givers can participate in beginning the healing process . This can also be preventive . We pray a young boy or girl who hasn ’ t experienced sexual abuse can learn to recognize it and avoid devastation .
CE : What does healing from sexual trauma look like ?
Reeves : One of the major issues is shame . Children and adults will take shame on themselves and keep them from doing the very thing that they must do to start healing — talk about it .
Secondly , is confronting the lies that developed as a result of trauma about who they are and who God is . The healing process includes identifying the lies and replace them with the truth of God .
Eventually , the survivor must be able to forgive the abuser , but in the process , we talk about what forgiveness is and isn ’ t . There are many misconceptions about what forgiveness is and isn ’ t . Often , pastors jump right to the forgiveness piece , but most women aren ’ t ready to do that in the beginning and just need to be heard .
CE : What is required of a church that wants to offer the Series ?
Reeves : I developed this Series so that it would be easy for the church to implement .
Thirty years ago , I took my passion to help survivors and developed a “ hospital church ” -style ministry in the local church . Our churches can and should be a place of healing for those who are hurting .
From this core , I created The Fearless Series for Women to provide a safe place for women to gain healing from their past . The Series is developed in two parts . The first is made up of five videos and intended for everyone . It helps the survivor to recognize that they can get help and for others it serves to open their eyes to the enormity of the problem . The second part is a workbook study to help actual survivors in a safe place format .
The Church needs to talk about this subject . We have mothers , daughters , sisters and neighbors who need healing from this trauma . It is time for women to stand up and say respectfully to male leadership — “ we no longer will be silent about this .” This must be seen as priority and be addressed in the local church .
— Reporting by RaeAnn Slaybaugh
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