When Feet May Fail
JOSHUA WANG
Before the sun rose on that Saturday morning , I quietly left my room and got on the bus to TF Green airport . I didn ’ t tell anyone where I was going . My mind had been operating in a haze for several days , ever since I found out that one of my close friends was dying , possibly within a few weeks . With the help of my parents , I booked a flight home for the long weekend to see her , potentially for the last time .
My friend ’ s name is Kristy Cheng Esporo . She was a youth counselor along with her husband Noel at my church during my middle school and high school years . It was well known that Kristy ’ s spiritual gift was prayer , along with her trademark grins and catchphrase “ Let ’ s ask God !” She was the one who first started me on my journey of real faith , from my hopeless 7th grade self to who I am today . I could go on forever with stories about Kristy , but suffice it to say that she is an energetic woman of God who has been like a second mom to me ( or older sister , depending on what age she feels like ). This story is about the weekend I disappeared from Brown to go see her .
Kristy has been battling an abdominal cancer ( Leiomyosarcoma ) for the past 8 years . During that time , she has undergone several forms of treatment , including multiple rounds of chemotherapy . A year or two ago , she stopped treatments , because doctors could not find a suitable method . But this fell right in line with her longtime mantra to “ Leave it all up to God .” That previous Wednesday , I found out that Kristy ’ s health was rapidly deteriorating . Her body had been unable to process solid food for the past two weeks , and the frequent bouts of pain did not allow for long periods of rest . While I was on the plane back home , I was so afraid of what Kristy ’ s condition would possibly be like , since Noel had not divulged any details . I began to pen a letter of thanks and encouragement to her , since I might never see her again .
When I first arrived at their house , Noel burst into tears when he saw me , and hit me with two pieces of information : Kristy didn ’ t feel like seeing anybody at the moment , and that she had forgotten who I was . I didn ’ t know how to react . My parents had recently visited Kristy and informed her I was coming to visit , getting a big smile in response . But in just a couple days , she had forgotten who I was completely ? I couldn ’ t even imagine how much her illness was affecting her . It was at this point that doubt really set in . I had already begun to wonder whether I was doing the right thing , ditching everything I had planned in Providence to fly back home to see one person . And now , having just arrived , I learned that I may not even get to see her that day . What was I thinking ? God must be telling me that I should never have left campus .
Then Noel , wiping away his tears , told us that the only way we could help the situation was to pray . “ Pray , pray , pray . Pray for … I don ’ t even know what to pray for . Just pray .” If even Noel , my role model and spiritual leader , was at loss for prayer , what was I supposed to do ? So I just prayed . I begged God to let me see Kristy one last time . I pleaded for my trip to not be in vain , and for God to grant Noel wisdom and peace .
After some time in prayer , we were told that Noel wanted everybody upstairs in the bedroom . To pray over Kristy . So upstairs we trooped . Seeing Kristy in her current condition completely froze my heart . The woman who taught me how to hold a paintball gun and how to dive and slide was barely sitting up , supported by her husband . She was skin and bone , and staring vacantly ahead , disregarding the people walking into the room . Noel , with his spirit and wisdom , encouraged all of us to make a circle and hold hands , and proceeded to begin our session of prayer . I knelt by the head of the bed , and grasped his hand with one of mine . With my other hand , I gently held Kristy ’ s , as reassuringly as possible . Although , upon hearing Noel begin to pray , the reality of the situation hit me , and feeling the weight of the presence of God , I broke down into tears . Once I began to weep it was nearly impossible to get myself under control . I couldn ’ t fully describe what was happening to the others praying alongside me , but I know for certain that those present could feel something greater in the room with us . It ’ s not a feeling that can generally be conveyed or called upon at will . Regardless , I could hear how the Holy Spirit was moving through each one of us from the way people were praying , even the self-professed first-timers . I can ’ t say that there have been many instances in my life where I ’ ve been in the presence of such moving prayers . After a long while , Noel ended our circle of prayer . When I opened my eyes and lifted my head , I met Kristy ’ s eyes as she was looking around at us prayer warriors . Noel whispered in her ear , “ This guy flew all the way here to see you ,” to which she closed her eyes and shook her head . I could only smile because my spirit felt uplifted , and I was once again reassured that God is good .
The rest of the weekend was a rollercoaster of emotions , although one theme was abundantly clear to me : God is faithful , and we are called to place our trust wholly in Him . Over the next couple days , Kristy ’ s health improved to the point where she could sit up in a chair on her own , and hold conversations . She shared with me her plan to show her family ( some of whom are not Christians ) how God is powerful , by stopping her treatment of painkillers . She wanted them to see that God has the power to strengthen her , that she did not need to rely on anything of this world like man-made drugs . She wanted her family to know that her faith in God was real , not some delusion . Kristy told me that regardless of what happened after pulling the painkillers , whether God healed her or took her home , she was confident that the glory of God would be revealed to her family .
12 CORNERSTONE Magazine