CODA
[ Bob Bennett ]
Thursday , October 13 , 2016 . This afternoon I attended a small , semi-regular gathering of musicians here in Orange County , in Southern California . Through this group and another small weekly gathering of similar makeup , I ’ m grateful to get an opportunity to keep in touch with other guys who , in most ways , literally do what I do . Write songs , play and sing , tour , make records ( yes , I still call ‘ em “ records ” because I feel some strange need to rebel against referring to everything as a “ project ”), and often do so in a Church / Christian context .
Usually the fellowship is rich and the conversations are both serious and hilarious by turns . It ’ s not that what actually happens during these meetings is somehow incidental or unimportant , but for me the first and most powerful takeaway is always the blessed opportunity to feel less alone in what is , in many respects by design , a naturally solitary profession .
To be sure , many aspects of my “ gig ” are in partnership / collaboration with others . And , as always , the listening audience plays an essential , immeasurable role any time I do something that might be deemed a success . Although my livelihood is making music , it ’ s about much more than just financial success . There ’ s also the success of making it worthwhile for an audience to repeatedly give me their attention for 3-4 minutes at a time over the course of an hour or so . Whether that ’ s ten souls , a couple thousand or more , or a single someone alone with headphones plugged into their smartphone , I ’ ve had the privilege of trying to do this well for most of my adult life .
Today , one of our dear friends ( who , for decades , has been faithful and skilled at his music and you ’ d likely know him ) regaled us with a brief story about a large Christian-themed event he was scheduled to perform at . He arrived early and wandered around in virtual anonymity until the time came for him to be introduced on stage in front of a goodsized crowd . He confessed that he was a little embarrassed to admit that he was so used to and comfortable with being known for and defined by what he did , that he felt awkward and like a “ fish out of water ” without that identity even for a little while . Trust me here , this is not someone who walks around with an outsized , ego-driven , “ Hey , do you know I am ?” kind of attitude . He simply asked if any of us had felt that way . I was quick to assure him he was absolutely not alone .
Some years ago , I was single again and trying overly hard to help God help me find a Mate . I had somehow bartered a future concert appearance for a singles group event in exchange for me attending , at no cost , a three-day “ Christian Singles Cruise ”. I know , I know . Feel free to shake your head for a minute and then rejoin the article if you possibly can .
But on this particular trip , I wasn ’ t remotely “ on the program ”. I was a total civilian and my guitar was locked up at home . But I was a man on a mission . I was there to eat recreationally and , if God-willing , hopefully see where “ she ” might be aboard the ship . ( You know , “ She ”, as in the One for Me !)
It was like a cringe-worthy-bad episode of The Love Boat ( Church Edition ). There were no websites , no compatibility surveys , no online “ mingling ” ( Christian or otherwise ). None of that existed yet . It was just me , with no guitar and no on-the-platform identity . Despite the fact that it ’ s a little hard to miss me , everyone did . It was kind of horrible .
Not only was I ashamed to admit that I didn ’ t quite know who I was without a guitar in my hand , but all the events onboard that didn ’ t involve dining involved dancing . Let be perfectly clear folks , I don ’ t dance . Whether voluntarily or at gunpoint , I just don ’ t dance . At junior high school dances , I ran the record player . That ’ s it . I spun records for the dancers but I could never , ever be one of them .
I had several meals in my little stateroom cell . I was insanely awkward and I was clueless and needy ; qualities that any healthy , reasonable woman would run away from at high speed . ( For those who might wonder , I ’ m happy to report that I ’ m happily remarried since February 2003 . God has given me an outcome that couldn ’ t be more undeserved . And the Lovely Mrs . Bennett does not expect me to dance and sometimes lets me run the “ record player ” inside my iPhone .
But the true point of dragging you through all of that was the agreement with my dear brother . It ’ s all too easy for me to traffic in what I do and who people think I might be . I ’ ve prayed , “ Lord , do what You need to do to show me who I am when I ’ m not holding a guitar .” But that sort of prayer is often only sincere until the moment you think He might actually take you up on it somehow .
These sorts of prayers are akin to the movie scenario I often appeal to when trying to be reasonable about something that I know I will waffle on . The cliché scene opens with a smart but desperate scientist who implores his faithful assistant to securely restrain and lock him in a room . The scientist admonishes , “ No matter how much I scream , shout , and beg , do not open that door . I repeat , do not open that door !” There are times when I am sincerely trying to pray Thy Will Be Done , but my inner-scam-artist manages to bedevil me , even though he ’ s supposed to be mostly dead .
I may have written it before in these pages , but I remind you again that very few of us get up in front of people to perform because we want to be anonymous . We might want to be the “ aw-shucks , it was nothing ” person , and we sincerely attempt to be as gracious as we can in deflecting attention back to Him who gives all good gifts . But don ’ t beat yourself up too much if you still find yourself , as I sometimes do , a little habitually reliant on your “ Christian Musician ” identity . Go home from the gig , take out the trash , and be grateful that Jesus truly knows you as you are and gives you the only identity that really matters : You ’ re His !
46 Nov � Dec 2016 ChristianMusician . com