August 2022 THE CHARBONNEAU VILLAGER 7
Let ’ s have a tough conversation about aging in place
Seniors should prepare for the time when they lose mobility
BY JACKIE HADDON
CHARBONNEAU RESIDENT
“ You act like I ’ m old !” said my mother-in-law indignantly . “ I just played a round of golf and did aerobics this morning . What did you do ?” And thus begins another attempt at a conversation around aging in place . As a clinical social worker for most of my career and now a certified aging in place specialist ( CAPS ) and senior real estate specialist , one would think that this conversation might go more smoothly . But alas , I can ’ t compete with the truth that , right this very moment , talking about renovating bathrooms for better functionality or exploring “ right sizing ” my in-law ’ s home falls on deaf ears . They just got back from a wine tour in Walla Walla . They have reservations at Ricardo ’ s later . They are leaving for Palm Springs in a few weeks . They are vibrant and healthy ( mostly ) and far too busy to plan for a future that still seems far away . Conversations about aging in place are for old people and , if there is one thing they don ’ t feel , it ’ s old . Old-ER maybe but definitely not old .
Ask most people who specialize in aging in place and they will tell you that very few of their clients are ready to embrace this conversation until it is an immediate need . Diana Zapata , an interior designer / contractor with Zapata Designs and certified aging in place specialist in Portland , stated that “ I thought it would be such a great thing to have my CAPS certification but it turns out , healthy seniors don ’ t really want to talk about aging in place . Eventually I stopped using my certification for marketing .” So what is the conflict around the reality of aging vs talking about aging in place ? It would seem that this would be a conversation that would be welcomed as people embrace their desire to stay in their homes for longer . The AARP November 2021 “ Home and Community Preferences Survey ” of 2,826 older adults showed that “ 77 percent of adults 50 and older want to remain in their homes for the long term — a number that has been consistent for more than a decade .” Of those surveyed , one-third of respondents stated they would need to “ modify their current residence so that they or a loved one could continue to live there if they had physical limitations .”
So why does talking about aging get us all twitchy ? Is it that the way we feel inside doesn ’ t match the face we see in the mirror ? Is it that the gradual progression from providing care to needing care is sometimes too much for our egos to bear ? Or maybe it ’ s just the fact that our collective mortality is often too frightening or painful to face . Whatever it is , it ’ s a safe bet that if your daughter starts talking about aging in place — some buttons are going to be pushed . So how do we have a conversation that everyone needs and no one wants to have ? Because of my background as a social worker , I feel that I am able to have those conversations more gracefully than others but it ’ s never easy . There is too much emotion and identity wrapped up in aging for anyone to truly embrace the discussion before it feels necessary . My approach ? Stop talking about aging in place and start talking about visitability and universal design .
The National Council of Independent Living defines visitability as “ housing designed in such a way that it can be lived in or visited by people who have trouble with steps or who use wheelchairs or walkers .” In fact , the concept of visitability goes much further than that . What about the grandchild that broke her leg in a soccer tournament and can ’ t navi-
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