Bad Days
Mo
On bad days I tell myself I don’t need him.
Tell myself I’m better off without him.
He doesn’t deserve me.
That there’s better out there.
That he’s stupid not to want me.
Men are trash.
My mother says his absence is not a reflection of me,
which is to say enjoy the slow burn
of the ashes you arose from my sweet phoenix
child.
I do not tell her how hard it is to see myself beautiful when I am covered in burn marks.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.
I don’t know if that’s true yet.
My heart still aches
when I see children with their fathers.
My mother says he’s stupid not to want me.
That he’s missing out on a good thing.
That he doesn’t deserve me.
I tell her she’s been a
better father than he ever was.
I tell myself I don’t need him.
I don’t need him.
I don’t need him.
but I do.
Cauldron Anthology
41