This is not the way things are supposed to be .
On a normal day , the seeker , usually a man , will stumble over an embarrassed greeting . At a nod from me , he will place his offering on the ground at his feet and then ask his question . The questions almost always ends the same way : “ What should I do ?” And my answer is almost always : “ What do you want to do ?” But this is not going to be a typical transaction of clarity for money , reassurance for coin , wisdom for sustenance . This is not a normal day . Just silence from him and from me with only the creaking of my chair to give any indication of the passage of time . Back and forth . Back and forth .
Finally I can bear the silence no more . “ Who are you ?” My throat constricts at the novelty of being the first to speak . Seconds become minutes as we just stare at each other . Then . . . “ Who do you want me to be ?” The rocking of my chair falters , ever so slightly . A cloud moves in front of the sun , casting us into shadow . A sparrow lands on the back of a stone lioness , cocking its head at me as if it , too , is waiting for the answer . I have no answer . I have only questions . Questions for him . Questions for myself . It has been a long time since a Kalip Woman was the question instead of the answer . “ Why are you here ?” It ’ s the barest whisper from me . My voice , always so strong , fails me . He begins to smile , his lips stretching back over white , even teeth . It is a smile of flowers and rainbows after a storm , of earthquakes and nightmares where I wake up in a cold sweat not knowing where I am .
“ Why are you here ?” I don ’ t see his mouth move , but I hear his words ( my words ) just the same . Different emphasis . Different meaning .
I find my rhythm again , creaking wood , back and forth . Back and forth . “ I am here to answer your questions .” My voice is stronger now . “ And if I have no questions ?” Still that smile from him , all rotting flesh and roses . “ Then I can give you no answers and we are at an impasse .” His smile widens . “ What about the answers to your questions ?” “ I have no questions in need of answers .” Ice begins to churn inside me . Where has my fire gone ? “ Then you are a liar .”