had to lose her , how suddenly , how painfully . But then there are little moments , like this one , where it does feel somehow meant to be , like it had to happen just this way , and not any other way .
I resolve to keep going on like this with my new writing goal , picking a stack of paper a week to absorb . If I do , will I keep stumbling upon the right story , the right message , at just the right time ? At some point , I will finish them . And perhaps that is why I am drawing it out . If I only look at a piece of prose here , a poem there , can I make them last forever ? Can I make her last forever ? Will she guide me through motherhood in its entirety ?
Ah , but if I have learned anything from her writings , it is that I also do not want to have “ too much mommy .” I cannot live out my motherhood focused on being more different than her , or more like her . She is telling me in this essay , not just that I should set my daughter free of me , but that I should set myself free of my own mother ’ s expectations , my need for her approval . She is showing me that she didn ’ t have it all figured out from the start either ; that we all , as mothers , need to find our own way .