Castleford Team Parish Magazine July & August 2014 2014-07 | Page 17

July & August 2014

(Continued from page 16)
It is a mistake I made only once. After filling in for a colleague, I
happened to complement the choir on the singing of the anthem.
Unknown to me, a tenor was the second cousin of my organist, who
received a rather embellished story that I had compared my own
choir back home unfavourably with theirs. On my return the
following Sunday, all the hymns were played fortissimo and at double
speed and the choir in rotation dropped hymn books throughout my
sermon.
Inevitably, when you staff another church, you will be told: ‘It’s the
normal Service.’ It will be nothing of the sort. Hymns will appear in
unexpected places, Sunday schools will enter and leave (and enter
again) apparently at random, objects will be brought to you to be
read from, placed on the altar or blessed - just as you were about to
try and find the pulpit. In any case, wherever you are standing, you
will find you should have been standing somewhere else. But not to
worry - most mistakes will be forgiven – provided your sermon is
short.
So - enjoy your visits to other churches. And above all, make sure
that your temporary replacement is so spectacularly incompetent that
your own people will welcome you back with open arms on your
return.
Your loving uncle, Eustace
TOWNS RUNNING OUT OF SPACE
TO BURY THE DEAD
Growing pressure to use land for development, as well as the needs
of farmers and existing owners, have left local councils struggling to
find space for burial sites. Sir Tony Baldry, the Conservative MP who
speaks for the Church of England in parliament, said there was
effectively a gap in the law leaving it unclear whether churches or
councils are responsible for providing burial space.

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