Fifteen
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225 an almost monthly occurrence since Nicole turned thirteen. The thick, white plastic sliders sat under the feet of the canopy bed and the dresser, nightstand and chest of drawers. A gift from Daddy after he heard the thump, thump, thump, overhead one evening. Tanya placed the plate on the nightstand and sat next to Nicole on the bed.“ Sometimes we say things that don’ t come out the way we planned,” Tanya said.” I know. I told Stephie what I said and I thought she was going to die. She kept saying she could not believe I said that to my parents,” Nicole smiled.“ I think we should consider it a blessing.”“ How’ s that?”“ The fact that you were embarrassed shows me we have not had a very open line of communication. I apologize for finding what you said humorous, because it was mostly out of character to hear you speak in that manner, even if it was unintentional.”“ I don’ t talk like that.”“ Not to me, but probably more openly to Stephie,” Tanya said. Nicole nodded thoughtfully.“ I want us to be able to talk like that. If you are going to start dating, I want to know if you intend to lose your virginity.”“ I haven’ t even been on a date yet and you’ ve got me sleeping with Rich.”“ I see history repeating itself. I could not talk to my mother. It scares me. I let your father make the rules and I was the one who said we needed to reconsider, but I wasn’ t ready. I want to be there when you need me. I can’ t stand the idea that I would not be the one you came to for advise,” Tanya said, nearly to tears.
Nicole did not want to hurt her mom. She leaned her head on Tanya’ s shoulder.“ You want me to come to you before I do something stupid.” Nicole said. Tanya moved to look into her daughter’ s eyes.“ That is not it. When it’ s happening it doesn’ t seem stupid. You just get caught up in it and it carries you away,” Tanya said.“ What are we talking about Mom?”“ You are going to meet someone you care enough about to not want to hurt or disappoint them. You are a loving, caring person and someone will see that and use that. Maybe it will be because they are willing to return that love and maybe not. They will say all the right things and touch your heart. You will do anything not to lose those powerful emotions.”“ Are you cheating on Daddy?”“ No! I’ m talking about the man who stole my virginity. I did it because I thought I would lose him. He had me convinced I had found Prince Charming. A couple of weeks later he stopped by to inform me I was not a very good fuck.” Tanya’ s words had been carefully chosen.
The“ F” word was not a word Nicole could ever remember hearing her mother use. It was almost a slap in the face. She knew those were the exact words used. She could see her mother, as a young woman, standing in a doorway waiting for Prince Charming to arrive, only to be told she was a lousy fuck.“ I’ d have hurt him,” Nicole stated. Tanya shook her head.“ Maybe you would have done what I did; cry for two weeks when I realized all the signs were there. If I had been able to talk to someone, they might have been able to open my eyes.”“ He made you feel that good?” Nicole asked and read something in her mother’ s eyes besides concern. It looked like fear.“ We dated for a couple of weeks, I was eighteen. I dreamed about him making love to me. He got angry because I asked if he had a condom to keep me from getting pregnant. Now you need them to stay alive,” Tanya said, thinking about Friday night. Tanya wondered if Kate had been truthful about the lovers she had been with. She certainly wanted Eddie. She had him twice. Tanya had guided her husband into Kate the first time. The second time it became an erotic competition to see how