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Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
How many teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
Mother to daughter: "What kind of person is your new boyfriend? Is he respectable?"
"Of course he is, Mom. He's thrifty, doesn't drink or smoke, has a very nice wife and three well-behaved children.
Q: Why couldn't the athlete listen to her music? A: Because she broke the record!
Q: What makes pirates such good singers? A: They can hit the high Cs!
JOKES