How Do You Help Teenage
Girls Survive High School’s
Emotional Roller Coaster?
You
Listen
Listening is Mary Ahern’s specialty. When she came to Carondelet in 1982,
Mary was the first counselor to be designated as a personal counselor, exclusively.
Before that, counselors wore two hats—academic and personal counselors.
At first, Mary devoted herself to working with teachers who were concerned
about a student’s well-being and listening to students who asked to see her. After
two years, she observed that many student problems were universal teenage
difficulties, so she proposed, developed, and taught a new class, Adolescent
Psychology. Mary was a classroom teacher as well as a personal counselor.
Her next insight was that not all young women articulate their emotions, fears,
and difficulties the same way so, while working full-time, Mary went through the
UC Berkeley Art Therapy Program, and then she brought art, sand tray therapy,
and other tactile approaches to her work with Carondelet students.
Realizing that adjustment to high school for freshman students was a
recurring theme, Mary attended conferences and read volumes about peer
counseling programs. In 1990, she convened her first class of juniors, who
acquired listening skills, understanding of family dynamics, and awareness of
which issues must be addressed by an adult. As seniors, these wonderful girls
were assigned “families” of five or six freshman students, meeting with them
at least monthly to help the youngsters feel welcome at Carondelet. The Peer
Counseling Program continues to this day, and many students recall it as one of
their best CHS memories.
Ever aware, Mary repeatedly heard about difficulty adjusting to Carondelet
from students whose middle school only sent one or two students here. Cleverly,
Mary created the “Onlies Group” so that these students had a sorority of their
own and were no longer alone.
Over the years, Mary’s attentive listening and endless compassion led her to
develop many other groups for students—a Divorce Group, Chronic Illness
Group, Depression and Anxiety Group—and she was the advocate for an
independent Alateen Group on campus. Covered in an article in the Catholic
Voice, Mary’s Grief Group and its methods were copied by other Catholic
schools.
Mary also shared her vast understanding of teenage angst with the faculty,
students, and parents, and she brought many speakers to Carondelet. Difficult
topics—such as drug and alcohol abuse, sexual abuse prevention, domestic
violence prevention, and improving race and ethnic relations—were presented
because Mary listened to students who were impacted by these issues.
Unfortunately, as with any community this size, Carondelet has had its share
of tragedy, unexpected deaths, and suicide, and the School was not immune from
emotional responses to catastrophes such as 9/11 and the 1989 earthquake. In
all of these situations, Mary was a calm, steady, and caring port in the storm for
students and parents, as well as for faculty and staff. Her warm, non-judgmental
counseling demeanor led many faculty members to rely on her in times of
personal difficulties—sometimes for years—and her compassion for her
colleagues was a big part of Mary’s ministry at Carondelet.
In her contributions to the Carondelet community, Mary Ahern truly
lives the words of the Dan Schutte song, “Here I Am, Lord”:
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.
Retiring after 32 years at Carondelet, Mary has held the
people of our community in her heart, and she has been a gift to
the students and adults whom she has served.