This is caring
I Care: Stephanie
Stephanie gave up her job as a secondary school science teacher to
care full-time for 16-year-old son Joshua*, who has schizophrenia. After
finding out what a lifeline support from other carers can be, she now
volunteers on the Carers UK Forum as a moderator.
Caring snuck up on me
two years ago. At the time
my dad was diagnosed with
terminal cancer and given
six months to live. Mum
cared for him, but the fallout
affected the whole family.
Just before dad died, Joshua
started showing signs of a
mental health problem.
At first I was scared people
would think I was a bad
parent. It’s hard to admit
what’s really going on – I
was scared people would
think I just couldn’t control
my children.
Joshua’s condition means
his behaviour is incredibly
unpredictable. One second
everything seems fine, the
next he’s self-harming,
threatening suicide or in
danger of being arrested.
It took over a year to get a
diagnosis. At times even I
wondered if it was just the
usual teenage behaviour.
Deep down I knew he had a
serious problem – Joshua’s
biological father also has
schizophrenia. Once we got
the diagnosis, the mental
health team told me they
could tell straight away
that Joshua had signs of
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schizophrenia. But it was
a long, hard and lonely
journey to get to that point.
At times I felt like a pinball
being batted from one
place to another. Getting
referred to a mental health
service is just the start. You
need to fight to make sure
people take you seriously,
and you need to know who
to make a noise at. Now I
feel lucky to have support
from a mental health team
who understand Joshua
and who really want to work
alongside patients, carers
and families to make things
better.
“It was a long, hard
and lonely journey to
get to a diagnosis.”
final straw was when I got
disciplined for leaving work
to deal with Joshua, who
was on a bridge over the
motorway threatening to
jump.
It was actually a relief
when the doctor told me I
couldn’t keep juggling work
with looking after Joshua.
I appreciated the honesty.
I was desperately trying
to keep it all together, and
thought I was an awful
person for not managing.
When you give up work you
lose so much of yourself.
You have no one else to
talk to, and quickly lose
your social networks. I do
get bored and lonely, and
of course it’s a financial
struggle – but I know I made
the only choice I could.
At first I carried on working,
but it became increasingly
difficult to deal with
Joshua’s erratic behaviour.
My workplace weren’t
supportive. Colleagues
tried their best to look out
for me, but it only takes
one person high up who
doesn’t understand what
you’re going through to
make things difficult. The
carersuk.org