A BETTER LIFE , AN INCREDIBLE JOURNEY by Devin Doyer
22
I was bullied throughout school from age seven to sixteen . Kids can be cruel at that age , making it difficult to make friends . You never want to be on the receiving end ; kids would say I was too talkative or too weird and annoying ; this progressed into comments about my appearance and being “ too skinny ” as I got into my pre-teens . Being that young and impressionable , I had a hard time fitting in . My family didn ’ t have much growing up . Still , we had each other . My stepdad represented what it meant to be a father by providing and being present , teaching me how to drive and getting me involved in sports . My mother is the kindest and toughest woman , and my older brother is someone I always looked up to as a younger sibling does . We bonded through music and always went on camping trips like any average family . Unfortunately , my stepdad had his battles to conquer ; he filled in the shoes of an absent father for a decade up until he started abusing substances . His drug and alcohol addiction consumed him to the point that he would go missing for days and come in and out of our lives . I recall being 13 years old and witnessing him going in and out of consciousness next to me . I was confused about his behavior , and now looking back , I didn ’ t realize how damaging this was ; he was nodding off due to crack cocaine . He was no longer the father I knew , and he wasn ’ t ready to change . My mother understood that she had to keep us safe and away from him . Now that I ’ m older , it ’ s clear to see the severity of the situation . I always used music to find peace and cope through tough times . As a person with ADHD , music was able to keep me grounded and provide a little escape from the chaos and help me focus . Especially in school , as I had a hard time concentrating . After graduating high school , I had moved in with a few close friends ; we partied and got drunk every weekend . For me , drinking was the only way I could make friends , and the only time people seemed to like me or that I could be myself without judgement . This went on for another eight years , partying two to three times a week , surrounded by people who used recreational drugs . Not realizing this was a problem , as it seemed to make me happy at the time . But just as they say , what comes up must come down , and the constant partying took a toll on my depression and anxiety . I was constantly job jumping , lived paycheck to paycheck , and spending money frivolously on alcohol or the casino . I was pretty active growing up , playing basketball , running track , and skateboarding . At 22 , I got a gym membership as I wanted to put on size . I wasn ’ t aware of how fitness positively affects my mental health since my only focus was getting bigger . I experienced many losses in a short time frame , from a close friend at 18 , my best friend ’ s brother when I was 21 , another close friend the following year and my grandparents at 25 . The direction my life was headed didn ’ t look promising , and I wanted to give up . One of my biggest disappointments was getting to the point of trying cocaine ; as someone who experienced firsthand how addiction could ruin your life , it hit me right then that I needed to change . I struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was 14 , but at 25 , the idea seemed more like my only option . I remember calling my mom up , bawling my eyes out , telling her I hated my life and didn ’ t know what to do anymore and how much I didn ’ t want to be here anymore . At this point in my life , I told myself I needed to find something to help me mentally because I was not going down the right path . Fitness was my therapy from that day forward . I worked my butt off and competed in my first bodybuilding competition . After that show , things changed for me ; I was hooked ! It ’ s as if I found purpose , challenging myself