THE STORY OF DEZ
BY DESIREE LABELLE
At thirteen years old , I received a diagnosis that would prove to present me with incredibly difficult challenges , but that also presented me with a multitude of opportunities . Scoliosis , a condition where patients experience a curvature of the spine ranging from mild to life-threatening , had begun to develop . My spine had an S-shaped curve with a 45-degree angle , causing my shoulders and hips to appear uneven , as well as a flared rib . One of the identifying symptoms of this condition was my severe back pain which made sleeping without medication nearly impossible .
Doctors suggested that I would need a back brace and most likely surgery if the condition progressed . Additionally , I was warned that with or without treatment , my growth could be stunted . I was told to avoid heavy lifting as the muscle imbalances in my body could lead to a serious injury . This news rocked my perceptions of what my future could look like , leaving me feeling self-conscious , anxious , and uncertain about what my future with gymnastics , cheerleading , and weightlifting would be . These sports gave me a sense of community , self-confidence , and a sense of fulfillment that I cherished deeply .
With treatment options seeming bleak and restrictive of my passions and interests , I was desperate to find a way to mitigate my condition outside of an uncomfortable back brace or invasive surgery that required months of rehabilitation . Having been raised by a fitness-obsessed family , my parents insisted on the benefits that exercise and strengthening the muscles surrounding my spine could help alleviate pain and slow down the progression of my condition . I decided to take a leap of faith by refusing the brace in hopes I could avoid losing access to my passions and sources of happiness . We decided that surgery could be considered if the curvature of my spine worsened and began to affect my breathing .
Despite my fears and uncertainty , I continued gymnastics , cheerleading , martial arts , and weightlifting , and saw a physical therapist weekly to manage the pain as well as to learn specific exercises tailored to me and my needs . While the physical benefits of fitness were helping in slowing down the progression , the curve and the imbalances in my body were still extremely present – both physically , and mentally . I constantly received questions as to why my back looked the way it did , why my ribs would poke out so much on one side , and why I avoided certain exercises . With time my insecurities grew , and I tried to hide my spine as much as I could . A backless dress was my worst enemy .
My condition progressively left me feeling discouraged , and in an effort to help raise my spirits , my friends and family , suggested I compete in bodybuilding competitions seeing as I always loved performing and had such a passion for fitness . However , the fear of having my scoliosis exposed always held me back and I met their suggestions and encouragement with every excuse I could think of . Years later as I entered adulthood , my personal fitness goals took a backseat as I focused on my career and other aspects of my personal life . By my mid-twenties , I began having severe problems with my hormones , digestion , cystic acne and I was also diagnosed with depression . I was feeling completely lost . My personal relationships , including my relationship with myself , were progressively deteriorating .
It took a lot of time , patience , and tenacity to reach a point where I accepted who I was – my body , my mental health , and my perception of self . While my mental and physical health were at their lowest , and the idea of a light at the end of the tunnel felt like wishful thinking , my family reminded me of the strength I had growing up and the unwavering confidence and determination I held as a child . These reminders of who I was and what still lived inside me helped me to find the courage to continue on with