Reader's Perspective: 'What is family?'
Dear Ms. Stacy Vink - Editor of Canadian Family,
A family can be one of the single most influential factors in the satisfaction of an individual’s life. But what is a family? It's commonly thought amongst society to be when a loving couple decide to procreate and then live life raising their children. However, both the definition from anthropology and in my eyes, a family is simply two people that love each other and choose to spend time together (whether as blood-related family or as a significant other). In terms of a relationship, this means that whether or not the couple decide to have children or not is optional/ does not affect the state of their relationship. For example, it is becoming increasingly common that couples are infertile and in turn, choose not to explore other options such as adoption. Just because the couple couldn’t have children of their own, does not mean they didn’t want to and should not lessen the level of love and commitment the relationship obtains. Now in terms of blood-relation, I believe that family is defined when the two individual’s care for one another’s well-being. Therefore, even if time is not spent together, the relationship would still be family if good intentions are applied and a love towards one another is mutual.
The two individuals that fall under my definition on family do not follow the well-known developmental stages. As much as they do fall into some categories (ex. young single stage where one is a strong individual, then moving onto new couple), the stages are very limiting to who fits into the system. Couples do not always choose to have children and some different religions choose to have children in stages of life (ex. Muslim women can be chosen young for a bride to have children) therefore, the developmental stages are not equitable. This is just one example of many who believe that family must include the involvement of children.
family. This theory states that a couple chooses to have children based on their best intentions, such as analysing cost/ benefit. If a couple feels love towards one another, they realize that they need to provide the best life possible for any offspring (therefore emotional needs must be met by providing trust, predictability and stability). In addition, if a couple chooses to not have children, this also falls into the social exchange theory as the choice is made based on multiple aspects - such as health concerns, economic reasons, lack of desire for a family, global overpopulation etc. Therefore, this theory is most effective as it can relate to multiple situations from couples who either have children with good intentions, or choosing to not have children also for reasons that are beneficial for themselves and society.
In contrast, for the influence on childbearing, social exchange theory is the most effective in explaining my idea of family. This theory states that a couple chooses to have children based on their best intentions, such as analysing cost/ benefit. If a couple feels love towards one another, they realize that they need to provide the best life possible for any offspring (therefore emotional needs must be met by providing trust, predictability and stability). In addition, if a couple chooses to not have children, this also falls into the social exchange theory as the choice is made based on multiple aspects - such as health concerns, economic reasons, lack of desire for a family, global overpopulation etc. Therefore, this theory is most effective as it can relate to multiple situations from couples who either have children with good intentions, or choosing to not have children also for reasons that are beneficial for themselves and society.
Due to Merriam Webster’s definition of love, it is an ‘intense feeling of deep affection’. This definition directly applies to my idea of what family is, as as long as people love each other, they can be defined as family. This contrasts many other definitions of family, such as family only being blood-relation. However, if a couple decides to adopt, just because the child was not conceived by the couple themselves, doesn’t mean they don’t love him/her unconditionally. Therefore, when a person has a deep feeling of affection towards another person, and care a lot about their well being, this should be considered family as if something were to ever happen to the person’s well being, it would be an incredibly large emotional trauma.
Sincerely,
Hailey Wietersen