FACULTY FOCUS campusreview. com. au
The hardest word
A philosophical take on the nature of saying sorry in light of the recent Barnaby Joyce saga.
By Loren Smith
Before # Barnabye, there were two apologies from the man himself. In the first one, delivered in mid- February after his affair went public, Barnaby Joyce took“ full responsibility” for the dissolution of his marriage.
“ I’ d like to say to Natalie how deeply sorry I am, to my girls how deeply sorry I am … [ and ] to Vikki Campion how deeply sorry I am that she has been dragged into this,” he said.
After he resigned as deputy prime minister and leader of the National Party, he again expressed regret, this time just to his girlfriend.
“ I apologise to Vikki,” he told reporters in Armidale, NSW.
“ The idea, walking across the road as a pregnant lady, and just being put under so much pressure. I mean, I thought that’ s not who we are in Australia.
“ That’ s not the kind of people we are. I’ m the public figure – go after me. That’ s what I get paid for, but don’ t go after private individuals. It’ s just wrong.”
Notably, Joyce did not apologise to the public. Dr Russell Blackford doesn’ t necessarily take issue with this.
“ It’ s an interesting question what sort of apology, if any, Joyce owes anyone,” pondered the philosopher at the University of Newcastle.“ Perhaps he does owe some kind of apology to [ his wife, his political party, his political allies such as Turnbull, his electorate, the parliament, or the people of Australia ].
“ There might also be colleagues and allies who owe him some sort of apology – not because they had any choice but to pressure him to stand down, but to acknowledge that it was not handled optimally or that it was done out of political necessity rather than preference.
“ There could actually be all sorts of angles once you start thinking about it.”
Joyce’ s case demonstrates the complexity of the notion of apology, which Blackford has keenly mined. In relation to Joyce’ s apology to Vikki, for example, Blackford says it illustrates a different use of apology: as a comfort. Blackford doesn’ t think Joyce believes he did wrong by Campion, he simply apologised to her to show her consideration.
THE SOCIAL SORRY There’ s been much media hoopla about the unnecessary use of the word‘ sorry’, especially by women. But Blackford doesn’ t think apologies are a bad thing, referring to them as a“ social lubricant”. He provided the following by way of example:
“ If you are waiting for a long time for a sales assistant, she’ ll probably say‘ sorry to keep you waiting’, even though she may have had no choice … She hasn’ t really done anything wrong, but she will use those words to indicate respect for you and concern that you’ ve been waiting.”
The same applies when Blackford is bumped by someone in a crowd: he will apologise despite having done nothing wrong.
Also, the social sorry doesn’ t just apply to strangers, it can also be used in relationships, where, for example, a partner has been unintentionally slighted.
THE SERIOUS APOLOGY In apologising, unless for a deep betrayal, Blackford says people need not default to the“ self-objection” style popularised by Tiger Woods’ PR team, where“ you take complete blame, explain that, yes, you do understand exactly what you did wrong, spell it out, not make excuses, promise that you’ ll make up for it somehow, and that it will never happen again”.
“ In a whole lot of situations, it’ s not good advice,” he offered. One such situation is when a celebrity says something that is considered offensive by some people. An immediate example is Matt Damon’ s comments on the # MeToo movement. While Damon offered a full-blown apology, Blackford thinks that“ often the lightly given apologies that you see in those circumstances … may be perfectly appropriate”.
“ The criticism that those are not proper apologies … is all wrong.”
WHY SO HARD TO SAY SORRY? Many, if not all people, would empathise with Chicago’ s lyrics:“ It’ s hard for me to say I’ m sorry.” This is because a serious apology involves self-debasement and is therefore humiliating.
“ I can think of occasions in my life when I probably should have given that kind of deep apology where I seriously screwed up in some way and I didn’ t,” Blackford admitted.
“ I think there are situations where we should do it but it’ s actually very psychologically hard to do.” ■
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