Business Fit Magazine Special Editions Mother & Daughter Special Edition | Page 44

England
Hermione Sihukai
& Ruqaiyah Jarviton
A Mother & Daughter Relationship is sacred
Hermione is mother to two daughters,
Ruqaiyah aged 14 and Austėja Neringa
aged 9. She is a single mother who works
predominantly as a Life Coach as well
as taking on mini projects in sewing and
design.
Hermione admits that being a single
mother without any regular input from
either of the girls' fathers was exhausting
until she made a decision to change the
way she parented by including the girls in
family goals.
“I became more involved in their life, and
they became more involved in mine,” she
explains. “Now between us we have a
very supportive system. We understand
that we are a unit, and our family works
because we share our love, our time
and we are supportive of each other. We
have learned the value of honesty and
communicating our feelings.”
Both girls have very busy lives, Austėja
Neringa is an aspiring professional
performer, so is constantly attending a
class, rehearsal or audition. Ruqaiyah is
studying for her GCSE’s, she is involved
with the London Academy of Music and
Dramatic Arts, singing and ballroom
dancing. She enjoys writing and has had
eight poems published through writing
competitions. She is also fundraising for
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a trip to eSwatini and Mozambique in Africa in
2020. She will be going with a group of young
adults to see parts of Africa, as well as support
the local communities by helping to build a
community project.
“I am really very excited to be able to travel
to Africa for the first time as well as make a
difference in other people’s lives and see how
other communities live,” she says. “I am also
passionate about the environment and enjoy
supporting the charity 4Ocean which pulls plastic
and rubbish from the seas.”
Hermione was keen to participate in the Mothers
and Daughters Special Edition hoping that she
would be able to empower others through her
personal experiences. She was only 20 when she
had Ruqaiyah and faced many prejudices from
strangers, educated people such as medical
staff and teachers as well as extended family
members. Every day felt like a constant battle
against being judged.
“The stigma attached to young mothers being
incompetent at mothering was a nightmare for
me,” she says. “People always assumed I didn’t
know what I was doing, that my children would
be poorly raised, or badly behaved, ‘they’ were
always surprised when my girls were polite, well
mannered, intelligent and striving to be the best
they could be.”
Hermione believes the relationship between
a mother and the daughter is very sacred. Her
own childhood was very challenging, she carried
a lot of personal pain, leading her to choose
pathways which continued to negatively affect
her. Determined her daughter will not follow the
same pattern, she shares the types of behaviours
she carried out, and the types of people she knew,
being really honest about what can happen.
“This means she gets to learn from my life and
what worked and didn't work for me, she has a
first-hand account, and she can then choose for
herself the type of result she would like. At the
end of the day I am her parent, there to guide
her, love her and nurture her, but she is the one
who will choose her experiences. I feel it is my
duty to ensure she is equipped with knowledge
We understand
that we are a unit
about how she will feel during and after any
experience she chooses so she can live a life in
line with her values.”
Ruqaiyah’s message to other teenagers:
Sometimes in life people are hurting and they
can snap at the people who are closest to them
but what might help you understand this, is the
simple idea that they have problems too. You
may not know it, but they might be going through
a difficult time and so we must have patience
with them and understand that they're doing the
very best they can.
Learn to love yourself and speak up for yourself
if you are hurting. Find a mature adult that you
trust who is able to look at things from different
perspectives and share with them your day. If you
do not have this type of trusting environment,
then journal. Writing about your day can really
free your mind and heart from stress and worry
and allows you to think up solutions to challenges.
Hermione’s message to other mothers:
Accept your teenager is a young adult, not a child
anymore, they know right from wrong. Make
sure your child can trust you and ask you about
anything, just because they are asking it does not
mean they are doing it.
Teenagers are much more competent than we
adults think, teach them life skills, know that
they are very resilient and when faith is put in
them, they always pleasantly surprise with their
knowledge and actions.
Teenage girls need love, hugs, reassurance, and
they need their inner beauty validated as much
as their outer beauty.
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