Mindset & Emotion
desire. The caring action of giving love fills us
with pleasure. These are moments when we
place our partner’s joy and contentment high
on our list of priorities, though this must not be
at a cost of neglecting ourselves. We choose to
love the other to help them grow strong and
balanced, to build the self-confidence required
to be true to themselves. There is no underlying
motive to change the way they are. Love is
unconditional. Love is not given in exchange
for some expected return, but simply because
it creates within us a wonderful sensation of
fulfillment.
For the receiver, the feelings of being
loved simply for who you are, brings deep
nourishment to the psyche. The unconditional
care received amplifies the emotions of joy
and happiness. Intimacy appears and grows
into the space left by the departure of mental
camouflage. It develops when defenses are
taken down and discarded. It flourishes when
there is nothing left to hide.
The caring
action of
giving love
fills us with
pleasure
develop transformed, more positive, behaviour.
By assuming responsibility for their own
behaviour, and its contribution to the conflicts
and disagreements, each of the partners can
contribute to the growth of intimate harmony
in their conscious relationship.
Passion and desire, the fundamental elements
of sexual intercourse, are the product of two
loving, giving spirits, engaged in pleasuring the
other. This is the true ‘making’ of love. Love
grows strongly in the intimacy of moments
when we are focused on its giving, as flowers
will grow to great beauty when they receive
water and appreciation every day. Ask for help
It is important to realise that the converse is
also true. The moment we begin to focus on
what we feel is wrong or disappointing about
our partner is the moment those characteristics
will begin to grow disproportionately important
in our minds. In all these cases, it is possible to include
consciousness, hope and meaning. You
can also consult a relationship mentor or
specialised psychotherapist and work on the
process together, helping you to be more
centred, fair and efficient. Often this will create
a shorter, simpler and more joyful experience.
Assume responsibility
The will to change comes strongest from within.
You cannot hope to change your partner’s
negative behaviour patterns by complaining
and scolding them, though, in our humanity,
sometimes those actions are inevitable. Rather
be concerned with developing loving presence
toward yourself and becoming aware of your
needs and your negative patterns. Work to
understand where such attitudes have come
from and let them go. Assume responsibility
for transforming your own behaviour patterns.
If you can be modeling the behaviour, walking
the talk, you can help your partner to become
conscious of their habits and help both of you
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In a way, all of us are involved in the subject
of relationships. Some are looking for a new
love, some are working to improve an existing
relationship, and some are deciding if they will
stay or leave. Some are trying to get out of their
relationship and others are working to get over
the last one, or to be open to the next one.
“In an age of ceaseless and often chaotic
and unforeseen change, a book on
treasuring the closest relationship two
human beings can ever have to each
other. A book to keep by the side of a
jointly made bed: to live by, to love by and
to share”
Appreciation of Viola Edward’s book “Who
Makes the Bed” by Prof. Ervin Laszlo -
Philosopher and systems scientist, Author and
Co-Author of 75 books, nominated twice for
Nobel Peace Prize.
Viola Edward is a Transcultural Psychotherapist and breathwork pioneer
with over 25 years’ experience. A leader with individual and corporate clients. A
specialist giving professional trainings in Relationship, Breathwork Mentoring,
Stress Mastery, Feminine Energy and Breathwork for Recovery. She is the
co-owner of Kayana International and author of two books: “Breathing the
Rhythm of Success” and “Who Makes the Bed?” - www.violaedward.com
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