Mindset & Emotion
Love
&
Intimacy
in a Conscious Relationship
We all seek a long-term loving relationship.
Transcultural Psychotherapist, Viola Edward,
shares her insights on building a successful
partnership through learning to love and
cherish ourselves and appreciating our partner.
We have many types of relationships in our
lives and here we are choosing to look at what
is perhaps the most challenging of them all,
the long term, loving, sexual relationship.
Building a successful, loving relationship out
of the chaos of the instinctive, hectic, passions
of falling in love will not happen overnight.
Beyond the myth of the arrow strike of Eros,
the evolution of a loving relationship is a
steady demanding task, which will depend on
commitment to love, effective communication
and the intimacy of healthy sexuality. The
relationship will grow more easily if we hold
a number of core values in common, share
some interests and hobbies and are able to
agree on a fair distribution of the duties of
living together. By engaging in continuous
learning and healing, we can connect with
our personal meaning and inspire others. The
paradox is that some of the ways we choose
to live our love can also produce quite painful
experiences.
Focus on the journey
Wherever we are in our life story, whether we
are looking for a new relationship or already
involved in a good or not so good one, working
together to create that conscious loving
connection will be a voyage of discovery. The
journey itself is the focus rather than the arrival
at the destination. Living a loving relationship,
through the day-to-day happenings and
surprises life produces, can be likened to
continuous participation in a workshop of
personal development. The results we are
hoping for will steadily materialise as we
develop awareness and become conscious of
what nourishes a strong relationship.
Love springs eternal, the
favourite surround of Intimacy
True love flows effortlessly from a being who
appreciates and is at peace with their inner self.
Your capacity to love another is based upon
your ability to love and cherish the person you
are. Love comes from that home store. That
24
capability will be the basis of the structure
for all your relationships and the foundation
of intimacy. Loving yourself, appreciating
who you are, will help develop the inner self-
confidence that is the core to being yourself.
It takes courage to be true to yourself rather
than hoping to deserve love by conforming
to a stereotype of goodness taken on from
exterior conditioning.
Appreciating and being true to yourself, without
the need to camouflage your personality,
will attract others who really appreciate who
you are deep down inside and that natural
compatibility will provide the depth that
nourishes a lasting conscious relationship.
When both partners are confidently being
themselves, from their first meeting, there will
be fewer surprises waiting in the wings.
Confidence building.
To develop this self-appreciation, we need to
create for ourselves a truthful picture of our
personal strengths and weaknesses. We can
then grow into and develop those confidence-
building strengths and, by forgiving ourselves
the weaknesses, break with the underlying
limiting beliefs that have created them. This
is a challenging journey, made easier with the
help of a professional therapist or relationship
coach.
Learn of love from experience
Many of us carry a fear of being alone,
stemming from our group-based origins. This
can lead to hanging on to miserable, energy
draining relationships rather than setting
off solo, into the unknown. Experiment with
being by yourself; dare to learn the language
of love from personal experience; discover
your needs and abilities and develop the
capability to give and take. Witness the growth
of loving relationship with yourself and the
self-confidence that makes it easier to relate
to others. It is almost impossible to experience
deep intimacy with a partner if we have not
already created it with ourselves.
Choosing to make love with
intimacy
We love because we are attracted by what
we perceive and here we are not only talking
about love in terms of passion and physical
25